Help: BPDers I need Help

[HowDidIGetHere]

I thought of something else that might help with the issue of life not following his rules—sitting and talking through his thought process on why it's such a problem that things don't always go his way. Like just asking the basic question, "What are you afraid will happen if X or Y doesn't happen the way you expect?" It's pretty much CBT without the therapist's office, but it might be helpful to get his brain engaged and his emotions out of the way for a little while.

I think the challenge for you would be to listen to his reasoning completely without judgment—and even sympathy or sadness can be read as judgment by someone who's hypersensitive to emotions. But I suspect that if he's able to bring more of his unconscious reasoning into awareness, he might be able to talk himself off the ledge way before he finds himself acting out.



(PS—I will be really glad if anything I offer does wind up helping. One of the promises of addiction recovery that I was raised on is that "no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we'll see how our experience can benefit others." It's been one of the more helpful mottoes I've learned.)

[Imissmysun]

Howie I'm going to copy paste your responses and keep them in my house because I want so much to help him and show him he is capable and good and that he is worthy of love and affection and I have to push really hard to keep from pulling away because the anger and outbursts are so hurtful aND personally triggering but just having a place to try to go withome it is a godsend.

Thank you for your insight and I will try to remember to keep you posted

[HowDidIGetHere]

That actually brings up something equally important. You're only human. You can love him and want to help more than anything in the world, but I think you'd be doing him as much of a service if you set and keep firm boundaries as if you try to be superhumanly understanding. At least that sounds right to me.

Hang in there. There's a better day a-coming.

[TCBwithBPD]

Hello again,

I don't know if someone else already asked this question, but how old is your stepson?

I am currently 38 and was only diagnosed with BPD about six months ago, but, looking back, I can see that I had symptoms I guess all the way back to being little (maybe 8 years old?). I think my advice, for whatever it's worth, might be different depending on his age.

I hope you're doing ok.

Theresa

[Imissmysun]

He is 12 going on 13 in October - right on the cusp of the crazy making puberty hormones and that is why I am getting increasingly concerned about his anger bursts - he is as tall as I am already - I am not a tall person but still that leverages strenth and then there is less authority when you are shorter - also I do not have biological status as "mom" so I slip a little bit more there - I am just totally at a loss