YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have struggled to gain approval and appreciation from my mother for 40 years. She has BPD and is undiagnosed. But through much reading and therapy, I have discovered she is a classic case of BPD. I just wonder if anyone else struggles with this with their mothers and wonder what type of boundaries you have declared for yourself and her.
Any info on this would be great!

I feel you on that. I haven't spoken to my mother in 5 years.. (her choice.) and she is undiagnosed BPD.

I love this blog

http://shitborderlinesdo.tumblr.com/pos ... borderline

Yes I have had that same issue with my mother. She self-medicated with Beer in to oblivion. It was sad the last time I saw her she didn't know who I was.That was a sad sad moment.

Best. Tumblr. Ever.

I've recently come to understand my mother is undiagnosed Borderline. I haven't talked to her since August which was many months before I faced up to why I didn't want to talk to her. I'm working with my newly acquired therapist to figure out how to have both contact and boundaries. I don't even know what I want out of our relationship except I don't want the enmeshment and co-dependance I've lived with all my life.

I also have an undiagnosed mother with BPD. I started seeing a counselor when I was in college, when things got really bad with her. I had no one else to turn to, and she was trying to put her house in my name to evade taxes (or something, it didn't make any sense). I was 19, and an only child, and my parents had been divorced since I was 2. No on else in the family was willing or able to help. After sobbing over the phone to the counseling hotline, I started regular sessions with a great counselor. He eventually recommended "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul Mason. It was a good resource, and it helped me a bit with trying to understand my mother's POV. I need to buy another copy, since I no longer have it.

She also has been depressed for years, no longer works, and I have no idea how she is supporting herself. I moved across the country to get away from her toxic influence. I've been thinking about finding a support group because listening the podcast has been bringing up a lot of stuff that she's said/done that still weigh on me. I am also not sure what boundaries to have with her. I feel like I haven't had a mother for years, and every time I talk to her on the phone is a drain. Things have been better with the distance, but when I went back to visit last Thanksgiving, she was just as awful as ever. Throwing a fit, calling me stupid and ungrateful and a horrible daughter, then fawning over me when a friend bailed on my birthday and really hurt my feelings. She was in such a good mood that day that she was singing along with the radio in the car and patting my leg. She makes me sick.