I need to work on my crazy filter
Posted: April 9th, 2013, 6:01 am
I'm a BPD survivor. Doing pretty good, I think. You live, you learn. But, today I realized, I really need to start improving my crazy filter. Now, this story might not involve BPD at all. I just think that part of the reason I got into it this deep is because I have a little bit of a history that skews my perception. I am attracted to insane intensity. I thought I had it under wraps, but they don't say you take two steps forward and one step back for no reason, right?
In any case, this my story. You may point and laugh at me
There is a woman that stalked me. Like, seriously stalked me. Like going to a pub incognito, pretending to read a book at a nearby table, just to listen into a conversation amongst hobby-ists, kind of stalking. My reaction to finding out about this was, she seems so responsible for being so careful about who she goes after. How charming, and mature. Barely past hello we fuck like filthy, perverted animals, and I think, this is a nice change of pace.
What could possibly go wrong?
I find out she gets off on being treated like a hated and discarded step child. That's kind of new, but whatever. We all have our kinks. I find out that she posts pornographic pics of herself online, a lot of them, and I think to myself, these seem to be made with skill, how talented she is, and an exhibitionist streak doesn't have to mean anything. Who'd just judge her for that? That's just being free spirited.
Right?
This all happened roughly in the space of the last 72 hours. Now, I know she came across me through a website, where she read everything I wrote in the span of the last three years, and then tracked down those meets I went to, but today I realized she knows things about me I did not write about there. I checked. This leads me to believe that she must have googled phrases to find other accounts, on other topic specific sites, reading those histories, too. I was starting to think that maybe I made a mistake. Then she sends me a text about how she thought about me meeting another woman and how it made her crazy jealous, big grin emoticon.
72 hours.
She's going to lock me up and hobble me, isn't she?
In any case, this my story. You may point and laugh at me
There is a woman that stalked me. Like, seriously stalked me. Like going to a pub incognito, pretending to read a book at a nearby table, just to listen into a conversation amongst hobby-ists, kind of stalking. My reaction to finding out about this was, she seems so responsible for being so careful about who she goes after. How charming, and mature. Barely past hello we fuck like filthy, perverted animals, and I think, this is a nice change of pace.
What could possibly go wrong?
I find out she gets off on being treated like a hated and discarded step child. That's kind of new, but whatever. We all have our kinks. I find out that she posts pornographic pics of herself online, a lot of them, and I think to myself, these seem to be made with skill, how talented she is, and an exhibitionist streak doesn't have to mean anything. Who'd just judge her for that? That's just being free spirited.
Right?
This all happened roughly in the space of the last 72 hours. Now, I know she came across me through a website, where she read everything I wrote in the span of the last three years, and then tracked down those meets I went to, but today I realized she knows things about me I did not write about there. I checked. This leads me to believe that she must have googled phrases to find other accounts, on other topic specific sites, reading those histories, too. I was starting to think that maybe I made a mistake. Then she sends me a text about how she thought about me meeting another woman and how it made her crazy jealous, big grin emoticon.
72 hours.
She's going to lock me up and hobble me, isn't she?
