YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Ten years, two months, and twenty two days.

I hope shame had fun shaming me for not having a relationship, because those days are over.

(I like to imagine "shame" as a monster, or evil person, tormenting me for years, obsessively following me around. Now I hope its karmic, playful punishment is having to observe me happy, enjoying the small moments of life with someone else.)

Ten plus years is a long time to go without a relationship, but once my time did come it has been very natural: while there is some residual anxiety for both of us, it is as natural as can be to invite her on a date, hold her hand, and compliment her. She is kind and thoughtful to me, and praises me. We have a lot of fun.

I am normal and whole.

I am not made normal or whole by being in a relationship: I now realize I was normal and whole all along.

(Bump)

This is one of two old threads I've been meaning to update.

I did have a girlfriend for three months. We all agree that we broke up on good terms, and while we don't have a future together I certainly wish her well.

So it took me 10.5 years to get a girlfriend. She hadn't had a boyfriend in ten years. She and I both got constant, varied, and complete rejection in those ten years.

Here's the thing: after being told for a total of twenty years that we weren't enough, we got along great!

What I'm getting at is that she and I were "normal" all along. We were told that we were wrong/off/queer/not enough but once we got together, we found each other perfectly normal.

This gets at my other post: about how I got hired. Spoiler: the person who could do no right found an accepting place.