YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me asking such a personal thing. I really don't have anyone to talk to in my life. I find that how attractive I am (particular physically) to others is a very important factor to my self esteem. As you've probably guessed I'm really very unattractive to the vast majority of people, especially physically. Which leads me to my specific current issues. My girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with me. Very occasionally she's at the right level of drunk but not very often. She says it's down to her mental health, body issues and anxieties. she finds being a little drunk helps her relax but too drunk and she falls asleep (lack of energy is one of her symptoms in general. I really want her to be happy and no matter what I try or how I talk to her I can't work out what I'm doing wrong or what I need to do to please her. All I know is it's playing havoc with my self esteem being so unattractive to someone who I believe loves me but seems totally uninterested. she tells me she finds me very attractive but it's her issues that get int he way but I know that's just her trying to let me down gently.

Thanks for reading

Hi neufena,
I can relate to your problem. I am unattractive. My partner has physical problems that limit her, and I know that but I still feel rejected and undesirable. I can relate to how you feel. I do believe that your girlfriend probably does have issues involved in this problem, but that doesn't stop the pain that you feel. Sorry, I don't have any advice.

Thanks, that really helps that I'm not the only one who feels this way. She does have issues and she tells me that it's her not me. We have this saysing "feeling not knowing". I KNOW it's not me, she loves me and when she can we have sex. But FEELING that way is much harder. My stupid brain takes over and tells me I need to make her want me.