YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

i have been in a sexless marriage for 1 years. And I finally decided to end it.
I've stayed because my husband is a good man, a great father, my best friend. But we haven't had sex in over 6 years. and when we did, it was never good.
I feel so lost and so empty and so un-desired.
i'm not ready to date.....but I am ready to find my own sexuality again. I have no idea where to start.
Before I met my husband I was always open and free and fun and excited to have sex. Now I'm convinced that no man in the world would want me and I'm the most unattractive person in the world. I suspect that it's all in my head, but that's the problem.

How can I get back in the game? How do I find the sexy in myself?

I would say get back to the basics. As adults, we always see sex as the goal, and we focus too heavily on that as the outcome. Remember being a teen and the excitement of self discovery? You could make out for hours, get totally totally hot and there was no expectation of intercourse (unless you dated only assholes). Get back to that. Have erotic talk with dates, make out, discuss fantasies, but don't jump back in the sack until you are ready for it....just like when you were a teen. Have fun! I'm a bit jealous that you get to do that again.

I agree with AlmostWell. Sometimes it's easiest to just take sex off the table for a while. I was a virgin when I started dating my boyfriend, and we decided early on that sex was not going to happen for a while. We got to know each other as people before going to bed together which made the sex that much more meaningful when it happened.

There are so many great ways out there to express your sexual side without actually having P in V. Maybe you could take a pole-dancing class or do one of those Strippercise videos from like 2003? Or even go out dancing with friends without the expectation of trying to pick someone up can up your self-confidence in the sex department.

Congratulations on taking your happiness into your own hands, though. That is such a huge first step. I know that you can get out there and wow 'em!