YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I am a 30 year old male with severe erectile dysfunction. This condition has made me feel that I am truly less than anyone else that I come into contact with. Even as I am typing this I am holding back tears. If I can just get over this fucking condition I will be alright but it seem I can't I have been to 6 different specialist so far and no one has been able to help me. I even went two hours out of my way to a specialist in New Orleans, only to have them turn me away basically because I have no health insurance. Hopefully I will be able to be accepted through blue cross/blue shield so I can afford to see a specialist. However if I cannot get any help soon, I will kill myself. I am sick and tired of feeling less than everyone else around me and I find it difficult to even function properly to maintain a fucking job. I feel this way especially about women, and it is worse when some actually hit on me and I know I can't respond. This has become a dull fucking pain that I experience day in and out and I am tired of it. If there is any way for anyone to give me some information I will definitely appreciate as I am nearly at the end of my rope. My email is at jazzman82@hotmail.com.

Could there be an underlying mental illness affecting your sexual ability? I know depression can cause this issue. Have you been to a therapist or psychologist yet?

I truly did not think that anxiety or depression were factors, as I can't think of anything else that can have that effect on me. However, I will consider therapy to see if these conditions are underlying problems. Thanks for the suggestion.

Jazz, everything you say in your introductory post suggests depression. There may be other psychological issues as well.

One easy test: Can you get it up by yourself? Do you get morning wood? Can you jerk off? If you wake up in the middle of a dream, are you sometimes hard? If you said yes to any of these, it is not a biological condition.

One way to get passed it (and this is much easier in a relationship) is to not focus so much on the fucking and the erection. Just be in the moment and fool around. Make out and pleasure her. Fucking should not be the goal. In fact, take it off the table completely. Once you get the idea of fucking out of your head and just live in the moment, you may find that Jazzy Jr. will respond. It may take awhile, but you've got to uncouple the sex and anxiety link in your head.

Again, thanks for the suggestion. However, how do I even bring up my issue to the girl I'm with. If I fool around with someone, how do I get around it or avoid the issue. Most of the time she will bring it up. I swear this bullshit should only happen on comedy sitcoms.

Maybe, at the moment, work with a counselor first rather than be intimate with someone. I'm sure the fear around the subject has made your feelings worse, which can further a lack of erection. Get a little bit more secure before you have sex with someone - or maybe, just maybe, have a little fun with it. I'd rather a guy be completely honest - tell her you're having issues with depression and it's impacted your ability to get an erection. I don't like games and to be surprised, in action.

You could do a few things - first, like I said above, get some kind of treatment. Maybe hold off on the sex, but, if you can't do that, do everything BUT sex - lead her on a little game. Get her revved up, but stop when she wants it. It might piss her off, or if you're lucky, she might carry on without you and let you watch. Pursue her - women love to feel desired. Let her know that even if you can't get an erection that she'll still get your attention - pleasure her in ways that don't involve penetration. Bask in your ability to please her; enjoy that feeling you get knowing that you gave her an orgasm. Women also really appreciate other ways of having sex without straight penetration....trust me on that one.


Eventually, if the depression is what is causing your lack of erection, your carnal urges might smack the depression out of the way and then it happens. Until then, make a game out of it!

I finally have health insurance cus of the job i have, however i know that this is my last time trying to deal with my problem. Can anyone tell me how to know if i found a good urologist? I've taken suggestions from others in the past but no luck. I've even had one to tell me that there was nothing he could do for me without even trying and still sent me a fucking bill. Any suggestions?

Did you figure out if your problem is mental or physical (or both)
I am asking because I suffer from an extreme case of performance anxiety which ruins my life so far (and I am in the late 30's) which, in my case, is compounded by an extreme case of involuntary celibacy (2 relations only for 2 years each) all in the past and not so much a date in the last 7 years. In my case these two problems feed into each other. Everywhere you turn "solutions" are advertised for couples: to get better you need a partner but to get a partner you need a good mental state which is ruined by ED...

But back to physical versus mental...I found that if the anxiety and low mood is too bad even Viagra or other similar meds do not work because the anxiety is too strong and overcomes the arousal which is needed for the meds to work. I plan to go to a different doctor and ask for erection medicines that produce erection DESPITE an anxious state of mind. A purely mechanical erection is what I need and you as well probably, at least in the beginning. There is a medicine Caverject which is by injections which I think it may produce this type of erection and I heard that now is in the form of suppository which is better than the needle.

I really believe that erections produced on demand without arousal are the key to build confidence at least in extreme cases like me where even the idea of sex brings me low mood instantly since I know I will be too anxious to perform. I really hope that this is possible because I, like you, am in a mental pain that is hard to put into words. And as I get older the sense of loss and fear that I will never catch up and have a family, kids etc...overwhelms me day by day....

I've had a similar problem, it pretty much ruined my entire mental state and outlook on life. I was POSITIVE that there was nothing physically wrong with me, and after speaking to the only people I felt close enough to about it started therapy. The therapist told me that I was otherwise healthy, it was a mental/performance anxiety issue. Still she prescribed me a low dose of Cialis, which works great, when it needs to and I didn't feel any of the side effects I was warned about. It is pretty expensive, and my doctor mentioned kind of off the record that there are online pharmacies that are actually decent that fill prescriptions. I looked at alot of ones based in Canada, and after I was able to speak to an actual English speaking human, ordered from this site http://canadapharmacyrx.com/generic-cia ... ductID=22. Its way cheaper than the brand name at CVS, and works exactly the same, just have to wait on shipping. Has anyone else ever ordered Cialis/Viagra online, or had any experience trying "generics"

Hi Jazz,

First, don't think of ending your life without trying all means that you can to solve your problem. I truly believe that there would be something, somewhere or someone out there that could properly help you. I suggest you should once again see an ED specialist that could give you proper diagnosis and prescription. Maybe it has something to do with your physical or mental health. You really need to know the source before you could actually try and solve the issue.

Second, focus on a goal and set a motivation. Remember, the ones who have direction are going to be in the right path. Don't let your problem overwhelm you. Life is full of ups and downs. Stay strong.

Lastly, you can check on reviews (http://pillrankings.com/vigora-review-n ... consumers/) online to see which medicine or treatment may be fitted for you. You can try generic meds since they are way cheaper with lesser side effects. Do not give up!