YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm not sure if this will make any sense. My thoughts are very scambled right now so bare with me
I have a relationship with this guy. I guess you could call it friends with benefits. We first met a year ago, fooled around some. But he stopped contacting so I thought things were over. That's when I met my ex. About 2 weeks after we met this other guy texted me out of the blue. We exchanged pleasantries and once again didn't talk for about 2 months. Then he texted me again and wanted to hook up. I told him no, that I had a boyfriend. He kept trying to convince me to have sex with him but I said no. A few months later, my ex and I were having problems. I felt alone and sought out this other guy. He was apprehensive at first but soon gave in.
I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. I started conversing again with this guy. I wanted to hook up again, but he told me he wasn't sure. He said that he was sad about me breaking it off with him that first time, that he really liked me. Also, we had this discussion about wanting kids. He wants to and I don't. He told me that hooking up with me was more enjoyable when there was the possibility for a future. But with some coaxing we put that discussion behind us and hooked up again. This has happened twice in the last 2 months.
The thing is, I like him but I don't know if he likes me. I don't hear from him for weeks but when we do get together he's so affectionate, like he really missed me. There have been times where I text him but he doesn't text back for several days. My rational side tells me to just break it off with him once and for all. With my depression I can hardly focus on myself let alone someone else. But of course my body betrays me every time I hear from him.
I don't know how to broach the subject with him. I'm too embarrassed to discuss my feelings, but I feel as if he has this control over me. I keep checking my phone for messages and when nothing is there my heart sinks. He once said I could depend on him, that he cares.
I'm starting to believe he doesn't. I have so little experience with guys. Please help

It sound like you two have a connection, but the guy could be feeling conflicted, and because of that, you may get hurt.

I would suggest taking a break from his guy because I don't like you getting hurt. He is not a bad guy, he is just conflicted, and he cannot be there for you in the way you desire.

Please take care, all the best, cheers!

Sounds like you two have a really great physical connection, but he there is too much conflict when it comes down to the everyday stuff that makes a long term relationship work. Because of the conflict he feels (liking you, but not wanting a future with you), he is holding back because he probably cannot express his feelings. So he is creating distance.

To me, it seems clear that this will not work as a long term thing. Do not hope for it, or you'll paint yourself into a corner. But since you get along, and there is great physical connection, there is no shame in meeting him there. Have a great time, hook up and have fun. Your ego and body probably needs it. But do not fool yourself that it is anything but short term fun.

People can fall in love an infinite amount of times, and each time is powerful and leaves us somewhat stupid about other options. You will fall in love again. You will have a physical connection with someone again. And you will find someone with that power over you who is safe to fall into, someone who wants everything you have to offer, and is okay with what you do not.