YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm seventeen and a rape survivor. In what I'm sure is a result of what has happened to me, I hate sex. Don't get me wrong, having an orgasm or whatever feels fine, but afterwords my entire soul is engulfed by a feeling of self-loathing. I feel so guilty anytime I do anything sexual. Damn, this is embarrassing. A teenager shouldn't feel this way. What the serious fuck. I'm not sexually attracted to anyone or anything.

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. This must be so difficult to have the yearning for human connection and yet have such painful memories and feelings stirred up when this occurs. If it were me, I would be feeling scared and vulnerable. What ways have you tried to deal with the trauma? are you able to talk about this with your partners or with someone else? Is this something you want to work on or is it just that you think you are supposed to feel a certain way as a teenager? Because lots of people feel different than they act and pretend to fit in. You have a lot of trauma to contend with, i would not worry about the "shoulds" or comparing yourself to what you think others feel. Be gentle with yourself and don't have sex if you don't want to because of the feelings it stirs up or just because you don't want to, until you are ready.