YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

The recent episode with Kira clicked a light on for my relationship issues, specifically around her really not wanting to have sex with men, but feeling pressured/expected to.

I'm hoping a female who has had low-libido problems can chime in here. My question: Is there a difference between having little or no desire for sex (low-libido) and just avoiding sex for some reason or another? If you have a low-libido, do you, at some level, want to improve it? Or do is it just not on the radar at all?

What I'm looking for is some indicator of one or the other, would something, some state of mind or behavior, tend to indicate one or the other? I know this is nuanced and not a simple thing, but please share your experiences with this. Thanks!

Found this and wanted to reply even though I see you posted this in April!

But I wanted to say I can relate to your post. I think it's hard to know the difference between no-libido and avoidance sometimes. I know I have a hard time myself. I think, if it's possible, I have both?

Most of the time, I do not get horny; to me that's no-libido. But I wonder if it stems from avoidance--that I've been avoiding so long, my body doesn't bother anymore?

In my experience, I am a horn-dog when there's no commitment... but after a couple months with the same guy my libido would drop sharply. It's been the same in all my relationships (since I was 16) except one with an abusive guy (which I find disturbing, but am still not sure why that it is). I've been with my husband for 10 years now, so we're pretty much in a state of no-libido normalcy. The odd blue moon that I do get horny, it feels awkward to instigate anything (because I don't normally) that I don't usually do anything about it. If my husband instigates my anxiety definitely goes up, and there's definitely a tendency I have to avoid it because I feel uncomfortable (but, again, I think it's because being horny is no longer my 'normal').

It's something I'd like to explore more and try to figure out. In the meantime my husband and I have a standard "date time" where we try to have sex, since we're both fairly insecure and it makes the whole awkward sex thing easier for us (working on the "fake it until you make it" principle).

I have no idea if I helped answer your question. But that's my experience, anyway.