so tired of everything

[Darkness Inside Me]

I am not doing well right now. I am so tired. I am going way down again. I think about cutting and suicide all the time. I don't beleive I have a future normally so when I go down there is even less to keep me going. I feel like I am just waiting for things to get bad enough to end it. I hate the waiting and I hate that I am still here. The bad part is that I do not feel able to take the final step because I am not down enough to not care if I hurt people. I am sleeping a lot but don't feel rested. I have not taken my meds for a few months now and dont know when I can get them because I don't have the money. I am tired of struggling just to get by and still come up short. I hate myself so much. I am horrible and toxic for others and wish they would let me go.

[Son & Air]

I know it's hard...believe me, I know, I know, I KNOW it's hard. I'm not going to offer any peppy little bromides that would probably bounce off you as they would me.

Do you live near any sliding-scale clinics with pharmacies? That's how I get my meds and I don't have any money either.

[Darkness Inside Me]

most of my meds ar actually covered. I am on "plan g" which covers most psych. meds, it is the sleeping med and the topamax that isn't. technically I could get most of my meds, but i would also need to see a doc. for a rx. I am just making excuses for myself and want to be able to get all the meds at the same time. also I am not going because right now I would tell the doc. I am on more than I really am. I am going to a clinic and they wont know. I know it isn't the smart thing to do but I am used to playing with my meds and if I just tell the doc I am on more than I am, I dont have to worry about running out. It is just another way to harm myself.

[Son & Air]

Are you in any kind of therapy?

[Cheldoll]

Hey, hang in there. I'm glad to hear you're still aware of your relationships with others and that it's keeping you from hurting yourself. There is hope. I think the fact that you're here reaching out even though you feel worthless proves that there's still a part of you that knows that there is hope.

[Darkness Inside Me]

no I am not in therapy. I am too weak, trying to deal with my shit sends me over the edge.

[Herself]

Is there any resources in your area for low income people? Some mental health professionals work on a sliding scale. Even if there's a support group nearby, you could get a referral. It sounds like you really need help and shouldn't wait til it becomes unbearable.