break up causing severe depression

[dholli1224]

i feel so broken. all i find myself doing daily is crying--i'm always on the verge of tears. i can't concentrate on anything else. everyone keeps saying that i'm going to be ok but i'm soo tired of hearing that. i'm not ok and i'm really struggling. i've found myself wanting to cut or take enough pills so that i can sleep forever. i dont know where else to turn.

[Schelmfisch]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. I have been going through a breakup depression for the past few months myself, and am just starting to see glimmers of maybe-one-day-maybe-hopefully feeling maybe-sort-of-maybe somewhat better. Please feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to who won't just blow sunshine up your behind. I am sending strength your way (wherever you are out there)! I really hope you can find someone you can talk to completely openly and honestly about what you're going though.

[dholli1224]

thank you for your reply. i pray that i get to that point soon. i feel like im starting to lose it a little--all of my thoughts seem to be consumed by how sad i am and how much i miss her. i find myself looking at my phone up to 50 times a day to see if she's text me. i feel like my thoughts and actions have become obsessive and compulsive and every night i cry myself to sleep because i feel so unworthy and completely hopeless and lost. there are some nights that i crave cutting because i just want to sit for a moment and feel nothing and have that wave of serenity wash over me. i just want to sleep and not dream about her. i want to wake up in the morning and not have to have that "oh, this is real" moment day in and day out. i'm so afraid that i'm never going to get better and that things will never get easier. im scared that this depression will always be this overwhelmingly paralyzing and that i will end my own suffering. i know that sounds selfish but it just seems so peaceful.

i hope you are continuing to feel better.

[Drang]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, so I am also going through a period of severe depression. You can read about my story in this post if you like. My ex is dealing with a lot of stuff herself (she would be a good guest to have on the podcast), so she didn't feel she had it in her to be in a relationship on top of all that. It wasn't anything either of us did to each other. Unfortunately our relationship was a victim of some issues she struggled with even before we met.

Our relationship was difficult due to both of us living at home, and our schedules, between my work and her school and work schedule. But we had a special chemistry, enjoyed each other's company and never hurt each other or lied or did anything passive-aggressive. But she never had a life on her own away from a relationship or her family, and she wants to explore that. If we were just simply incompatible or she wasn't very nice, I could write this off. But I really thought we could have had a future together. We went out for two years despite the circumstances. I eventually got over the break-up of a previous four-year-long relationship. But that was my very first relationship, and who's first relationship ever lasts? We also weren't compatible. This recent break-up, however, hurts because I thought we had a future together.

She was a bright spot in my life. But the break-up, on top of all the crap I have to deal with, pushed me into a deep funk. For the past few weeks I've felt like I had a spiky bowling ball in my stomach. I barely ate for about two weeks. I eat more now, but not as much as I used to. I'm constantly sad, even at work. I've had maybe one truly okay day in the past few weeks. I thought I was getting over it, but the sadness returned the next day. I've broken down and cried a couple of times. While I'm not truly suicidal, I say or think "I want to kill myself" countless times a day.

Everyone goes through multiple break-ups and heartbreaks in a lifetime. But when I'm going through it, it feels like I'm the only one in the world who feels such gut-wrenching pain. It feels like it will never end. And it feels like I'll never meet anyone I love as much as my ex. It really does feel like I'm going to be sad forever, and therefore, alone forever.

Last weekend I went to a concert with one of my best friends and his girlfriend. That, combined with the sad music and seeing a bunch of other couples there, triggered even more sadness in me. In hindsight it was the wrong concert to go to.

I'll spare you the cliches, since I'm also kind of tired of hearing them from my friends, as well-intentioned as they are. I only feel okay if some task at work is occupying my mind, or if I'm with friends and we're not talking about the break-up. As soon as I'm by myself I become miserable again. All I can do is engage/distract myself, and hope that the pain subsides with time.

Friends and family members' positivity doesn't do that much to reduce my pain, though it helps a little. I feel that the happiness and healing have to come from within. That seems unfair, given that the sadness came from some external source, but unfortunately that's how my life seems to play itself out. I basically listen to sad music and skip meals until I get tired of that.

The best I can say is that you're not alone in your pain, and that it is natural and acceptable to feel broken.

[MichaelHung]

Oh boy do I relate to this one. After my last relationship, I fell into a deep depression for 2.5 years that led to many suicide attempts and a hospitalization.

In retrospect I am glad that I went through this (boy did it suck though) because it forced me to look at deeper rooted issues of my anger and depression that I never worked on before.

You are never alone and I hope you remember that. I want to send you a big hug because breakups can be some of the most painful experiences. Please please please don't hurt yourself. I think it's safe to say that we here on this forum would want you to have the chance of experiencing love, joy, and happiness again. Please give yourself that chance. Much love from
The forums. You are not alone.

[parky]

Seeing this thread is exactly what I needed. I'm in a major depression over my recent breakup (about 2 months ago). Everyday is a bad day. Today I could barely do the simplest things. When I tried to go about my day, all I could do is collapse and grieve and grieve and bawl and bawl and clench my chest, it felt as if my heart had literally been ripped out. I have been through several break ups, and every one of them is very, very hard. It takes about a year to get to a place where I can say, more or less, "I'm over it". But even then, my ex still clings to the back of my mind until I fall in love with someone else. I've been wondering if it's normal to feel this devastated from a break up, but the post here have reminded me, as MIHH tends to do, that I'm not alone. I can't believe how many people live through this much pain caused by breakups. Having a broken heart is the hardest and most painful experience I've ever had.