Is there hope?

[y me]

I have unipolar depressionfor over 40 years, as a child I was depressed and cannot remember a time when i havent been. I grew up in an emotionaly abusive house. I could do nothing right and wasn't even called by my name for several years. I felt rejected multiple times. I also was sexually abused at 13by a scout master. This left me even more ashamed. I could not tell my family as I felt this would be the tipping point and they would just get rid of the problem. I rebelled after the abuse and became angry and dropped out of school. I was on a dead end path and felt the world would never miss me, but I was too scared to take my life.
I got my GED (not sure why) and found I was pretty smart. I actually got praise which I so wanted. I found I could get positive strokes with education and started college. I completed several graduate level degrees and am a very respected person. I felt depressed the whole time. I have tried at least 30 different antidepressants with no relief. Not even a little. The deep despair and hatred of myself continued. I gave up any hope of getting better. I married in an abusive relationship and was miserable. after 13 years I divorced and was now lonely and depressed.
My son was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and I found other relatives also had bipolar. I never had and mania or hypomania but would have loved any kind of energy. I have been in and out of therapy for years. I found myself in another abusive marriage and could not fight for myself. I went to therpy in hopes of getting the courage to leave. My therapist wanted me to see a psychiatrist and I did. I brought a list of all the meds I have been on. We discussed my depression and question if my depression was genetic or learned from all the problems.We continued wellbutryn I was on and added clonazapam for sleep . we then add bus par and i could feel a little better. I started to feel like some hope. Lamictal was added and I finally feel normal. lamictal saved my life. I can now laugh and enjoy life.I have been depression free for 1 month, yes there is hope, don't give up

[manuel_moe_g]

Welcome to the forum "y me"! Glad to hear that you found something that lets you move forward on a self-loving path of life-accomplishment. Please take care, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!