I feel nothing

[Frootsy Collins]

I feel absolutely nothing. I've been in a deep depression for about the past month. I don't enjoy any of the things I used to do to make myself happy. I start a video game and turn it off 5 minutes later because it feels like a waste of time. I start reading and find myself on the same sentence 30 minutes later. For the past 3 days I've went straight to bed after getting home from work without eating dinner. I've spent my lunch breaks with my head down on my desk sleeping. I feel tired when I wake up even though I'm spending over 12 hours a day sleeping. I bought a self-help book but don't have the energy to do the exercises in it. I have a support group, but have been spending the whole time crying and feeling worse afterwards. I've been calling therapists trying to set up appointments, but the only one that has called me back has an accent I can barely understand and I'm not looking forward to the appointment. I'm having suicidal thoughts and the only thing stopping me from doing it is the thought that it would be stupid of me to do it when I may feel better later. However I'm having a hard time imagining feeling any better than I do now, and if I feel this way for the rest of my life it's simply not worth it.

I apologize for the run-on nature of this post but I barely have the energy to compose my ideas.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Frootsy. Remember that these dark times have a beginning, middle, and end, even if it doesn't seem like it during the middle of an episode. Sending you {{{{hugs}}}}. Glad to hear you are being self-loving with your participating in support groups and therapy. Wishing you all the best and a quick turn-around.

[oak]

Hey Frootsy!

Are things any better since you posted?

I can't offer any advice, but I do send encouragement. I am very proud to see you persisting in using your words: posting here, trying to find a therapist, and talking with your support group friends.

[inmymind]

ahh Frootsy, I understand what being depressed feels like. Keep that appointment with the counselor while you look for one you might understand better. Don't give up on doing the group therapy and such. Even if you just cry in it, keep going.

I use to play guitar and enjoy it, but I stopped because to play at the level I want I would have to dedicate hours per week, but also, because when I sing certain songs, it makes me sad and cry. So, I know what you mean by not doing things you use to enjoy.

I am trying to make the changes in my life that might lead me to enjoying things again. I want you to do the same. Keep posting here. I check in once a week or so.

Take care,

[Frootsy Collins]

I went to a concert with my girlfriend and feel a little better since I wrote that post. I'm still having trouble with a lack of motivation, but I'll try my best to do some of the exercises in my self-help book this weekend. I did manage to at least do laundry and go to work every day this week, albeit with less vigor than usual. I still don't feel like doing much beyond sleeping.

[inmymind]

Keep doing things, even when you don't feel like it. The good feeling comes after the action.