I think my new meds are starting to kick in because it didn't bother me today! Or maybe it's just because I'm kinda sorta starting to get help, so I'm not taking it as a personal offense like normal. In the deepest part of my depression, I took everything as the universe essentially telling me to give up and die. When the therapy office that said they had immediate openings and would call me to make an appointment never called, it's because they thought I should just kill myself. When the psychiatrist said he couldn't see me until next year, that meant me personally, that I didn't deserve care. When the GP could only meet with me during work hours, it meant he wanted to screw me over by cutting into my already meager paycheck just to tell me he couldn't help me anyways. And every time, for three years running, when Paul wouldn't read a survey of mine, it meant that even my problems were boring and that I am a worthless, uninteresting, unimportant person.
But today, even though I had my usual flutter of "omg maybe this time", when the end of the episode came I didn't feel the normal crushing loneliness that comes with feeling unheard. Again, probably because I finally did make an appointment with my GP, I cut out friends who minimized my problems, I got back on my meds, and I've started using this forum as a resource to vent, but it's a really big deal for me. I know it was silly to ever take personal offense to something so minimal, but it's hard when you're in a place mentally where even someone giving you a funny look on the street means they hate you.
Anyways, no real point here, I just was really surprised that I'm not crying in the bathroom at work right now and figured I'd share the good news
