How to write a good suicide note?

[neufena]

I (like I suspect a lot of people) keep working on refining my note. It lives in online storage so whenever I get the chance I work on it. This will (hopefully) one day be my final gesture to this world so it needs to be well written, free or grammar mistakes while still getting the point across.

The thing is this isn't something that I seem to be able to find help or templates for. Need a covering letter for a job application? Great here's a guide to writing one but writing your final goodbye? No help out there.

P.S. I'm not in danger of leaving just yet. The UK (where I am) has restrictive gun controls and I'm struggling to find another simple and effective method that has a low risk of failure. Once I figure that out things will be better.

Thanks

[seabiscuit]

I also live in the UK and know what it's like to experience a lot of pain. It's clear that you're in a lot of pain to be thinking about writing a suicide note. Trust me when I say that even though having to keep reaching out for help is incredibly hard it's really worth it. When you find the right therapist it can make a massive difference. I've had a lot of experience with bad mental health pratitioners and it wasn't until last year that I was lucky enough to find a therapist who was truly right for me. If you can afford private counselling then this website is really good at helping you find local counsellors etc. in the UK.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/adv-search.html

Also if you speak with your GP depending on the area there might be other forms of therapy available that you haven't tried before. It's always good to speak with a GP or to get advice from other sources such as https://www.mind.org.uk/. Another way to access therapy is through local organisations and charities. It's always worth doing a quick search to see if there's anything like this available in your local area.

Everyone has the capacity to change. Even though you might not believe it it is possible to change how you see yourself and the world. It isn't easy and takes patience, persistence and a lot of hard work. It can be very hard to have a clear perspective on yourself and so it's often good to write down your thoughts and challenge them. No matter how bad your life has been and how badly you feel about yourself it's still possible to learn how to accept yourself for how you are. One way you can do this is by using self-acceptance and compassion techniques. I highly recommend Thupten Jinpa's book called 'A Fearless Heart' that gives several compassion exercises based on Buddhist meditation. Here's a link to him speaking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_gV3voD7MY

Take care and please keep searching for help.

[honeylocust]

Hey. It sounds like you're in a really hard place.

When I've thought about what I'd write in a suicide note, it's always been about getting people to finally hear and understand what I've been going through. I wonder if you're so hung up on getting your note right because you really, really want to be heard? If you're going to be gone, what is it that you want to accomplish with this note?

I think figuring out what it is that you want to say, and what effect you'd like it to have, is the most important thing here - even more important than figuring out how to write the note or whether you're really going to kill yourself. This might sound a little bit like a formulaic therapist idea, but maybe try just writing out what you're thinking and feeling and what you'd like to say to people, without worrying about making it a "proper" suicide note. You don't have to show it to anyone. You could post it here, if you wanted to. Or I guess if you have nothing to lose you could just let people read it!

You really don't need to be unheard. You don't need to be gone to get people to listen to you. I think writing out your thoughts and needs and the things you'd like to say to people is a good idea regardless of your plans, but please think about talking to someone and getting some help, too, okay? It won't hurt anything to try.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, neufena. We like you.

[oak]

Please do not commit suicide.

I posit that there is no such thing as a good suicide note, as I cannot fathom a good suicide.

The Grim Reaper is coming for all of us, someday, so here is my suggestion: make your life your statement.

Cheesy? Yes.

Trite? Yes.

But better than committing suicide.

At the risk of being flip, I think there is many a truth spoken in jest by the geniuses at The Kids in the Hall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SudyHvtAPMY

nb: At the end, Bruce has a reason to live, and is communicating with a friend. Go and do likewise.

[Beany Boo]

I know what you mean. Every post I write is refining that note. Except it's not a suicide note anymore for me. I don't know what is the opposite of suicide. I feel like I'm committing un-suicide? Something horrible, definitely; life but not at all familiar, not recognizable, never, ever straightforward. But I'm not anihilated by it. I just feel angry that my mind can never hold onto it for long. Or embarrassed that my natural thought responses sound too strange to say out loud. And shocked; confused if I do something and get a rational reaction; or want something and get it, without struggle. And the note is always saying, 'this is who I was last, before I leapt in again'. In case I don't recognize myself next time I come to write it.

Thank you for your post.

[neufena]

Thanks everybody for taking the time to reply. I'll try to address everybodies points in turn.

I'm not able to afford private therapy at the moment. I've recently got money under control but need to pay off some debts and stabilise before I can even consider it. I did try BetterHelp for a few months (depleting my savings in secret) but it was not helpful. The Therapist refused to help me in the way I wanted, stating it was unethical to help me come to terms with my failure as a human.

However, in previous jobs (where I'd been there long enough to risk having appointments during working hours) I've seen some good therapists. In the end, however, we've had to finish therapy as they run out of ideas and become frustrated that I'm just broken and not 'fixable'.

My GP only offer weekday daytime appointments so unless I take time off work I can't go and see them. I have not been in my new job anywhere near enough to risk having appointments in work time without being judged as workshy.

Charities won't touch me because I'm a functional depressive and do earn more than their thresholds for help (but am paying off so many debts I can't actually afford private myself).

I have tried to change, all my life since my initial days of sitting in the playground corner and crying in primary school right through to my adult life. I analyse everything and do my very best to be what people what to change with the social situation and make myself acceptable and likeable. It never works. or I mis read the situation and end up a pariah. Just a few days ago I judge the political climate in my office (around the general election) and found out that there's much more support for the military than I thought. Now I've been clearly red flagged and am afraid all day at work.

I'll try to find time to watch the video on "A Fearless Heart". I often sneak some time to watch Youtube videos on a Thursday evening when my wife works late and I'm home alone with the baby. I've added it to this weeks playlist.

I guess for me what I'm trying to achieve with my note is to get it right. I don't want to single out people individuals and make them feel more/less to blame. I just want people to read it and say "well that's it, he's done the right thing'. I've seen people blame themselves after a suicide (and come to me for advice/explanation as the token 'depressed' person). I want to leave people under no illusion. I tried all my life. I failed and I have no more energy to try and fight a losing battle anymore.

I did mention in passing in front of acquaintance that I keep my note on hand so I can work on it but they didn't even register. Nobody would want to read it until the proper time. I'll always be unheard, I'm a functional depressive. There's no help for us out there. The professionals have more pressing matters (getting people off benefits and into jobs etc). The mental health community thinks we have no issues because we function. I've been trying for over 25 years now, bee to various counsellors and therapist. Been on medication for 20 years. Nothing changes. NO amount of meditation can fix the fact I'm just a broken lump of flesh

As for making my life my statement. I've been doing that the whole time. And failing. everything I do comes up short. So far my statement is 'not quite good enough'. The kids in the hall were quite funny (and I intend to keep the note short!). This is my idea of what will be like at my funeral https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWb3s6pvZMw

[manuel_moe_g]

Neufena, I wish I could transfer your suicidal feelings of failure over to a dreadful person who is less thoughtful, less loving, and less of a writer. I realize it doesn't work like that. But there are so many dreadful people who should feel massive self-doubt, and your suicidal feelings would be better suited inside one of those dreadful people.

I think I have a glimpse of what you are feeling when it comes to feeling like a failure of a human. Lately I have been lamenting that my capacity for achievement as a human is so limited in this the only life I have been given to live. I spin my wheels from anxiety, depression, and laziness - I am a master at garbage living.

We like you, Neufena. Take that for what it is worth.

[MarkS]

Whenever I've put some thought into what sort of note I might leave behind, it's almost always been along the lines of trying to reassure everyone that this was entirely my fault and they are blameless. That there was nothing anyone could do, and I'm very sorry. The idea of going through all of the pains and mental tortures in a suicide note bores me. That's what a blog is for, LOL.

I'd probably leave a list of websites and forums I'm active in for someone to visit and let them know I'm gone.

[manuel_moe_g]

take care, MarkS, you deserve better than you received, for what it is worth