Bad thoughts

[Beany Boo]

You feel cornered

Forced into behaving yourself

You want to turn the tables

On certain vital relationships

Without breaking them

So you can breathe, and enjoy moments of rejuvenating independence

But what you want feels like too much

For them to handle

[oak]

Thank you for posting, for being vulnerable.

Other than the cat part, I could have written your most recent post. Work, lonely, repeat.

I feel better, knowing I'm not alone. I am very grateful for you and your post, rivergirl.

I am five percent less sad, right now, because of your post.

[rivergirl]

Beany, thank you for putting some of my feelings into words.

Oak, I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing daily loneliness. And I'm also grateful to you and all the other kind people on this forum.

[rivergirl]

Things have taken a turn for me. I was feeling relieved of the burden of taking care of my mom, since she's now being cared for at my brother's. But being in the home I've shared with her by myself is now triggering a lot of fear, anxiety, and depression in me. I'm afraid to stay here alone. I slept at my brother's last night and then missed work today. I can't stay there much because they don't have a room for me. I feel desperate not to be alone here.

Today when I called in to work I told my boss of 13 years that I've been struggling with depression the past few years and apologized for missing a lot of work recently. I'm afraid it was a mistake to tell her even though she seemed understanding.

I don't see a way forward for myself. I don't want to be a burden to my brother or anyone.

[oak]

Rivergirl! You're doing exactly what you should be: using your words.

You are suffering, and meanwhile you're reaching out for help.

May I ask what your boss said? How did that go?

[rivergirl]

The conversation with my boss was short, but she said that she understood and that even if we get behind at work, it's "just work" and that I should take care of myself. She gave me numbers for EAP and for the coordinator who would help if I needed to take more extended time off.

I think it went as well as I could hope for, even though it was unplanned.

Thanks for asking, Oak.

[oak]

EAP? Thank goodness.

That is a really good sign.

I encourage you, kindly, to call the EAP at your earliest convenience.

Good luck. Keep us posted!

[rivergirl]

Thank you, Oak. I did call EAP and am looking into services offered.

Some days, hours, and minutes are better than others, but I'm trying to make the best choices I can and redirect my thoughts to what I can do in the present, rather than spending so much time thinking of the past and missing what I've lost or projecting bad scenarios for the future.

I'm always grateful to you and anyone else who has replied or even just taken the time to read my posts.

[oak]

Very good, Rivergirl. I am very pleased to hear you reached out to EAP. Well done.

That is what winners do. You're on your way. In the meantime, just hang on.