YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I wont ever commit suicide because I believe in hell. Like a good little catholic I was raised to fear an eternity with the damned and taking your life gets you a one way ticket. That doesn't stop me from hoping I will be terminal cancer and be taken out by life. I know that horrible but its true. I want some fatal disease to take me out so that I dont have to suffer anymore. Does anyone feel this way?

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Yeah, I have depression and anxiety, and days are not easy sometimes, and it feels like any way out of living would be a rest from suffering.

Hi Vanessabyss,

I know exactly how you feel. When I was going through an extremely rough time, all I could think about was killing myself but not wanting to, not because of hell (I don't believe in it), but because of not being completely sure it would work. I would go from wanting to kill myself to simply wanting to vanish on a daily basis; I just wanted out. I don't know what made the thoughts go away but they did; I want to live now, not completely for myself, but more for others. I'm at my absolute worst when I'm alone and have no one to talk to or be around; my thoughts get bottled up and there is no one to challenge them. Think about what you can do for other people, shift your focus away from yourself and maybe you'll feel better. But hey, that's just my two cents, take it as you will.