thinking about ending it for real

[walklikeanegyptian]

All last night I coujldn't stop thinking about killing myself. I couldn't get to sleep until 2:30. I even looked up buying a cheap handgun on the internet. And I cut on myself too. I really don't think I can do this any more. Nothing works and you can't really talk me into thinking that it's going to get better because it won't. Nobody really cares that much about my feelings and I'm on the bottom of everyone's list and you and i both know that's not going to change. Everyone gets to be mean and snarky to me and I have to just take it. It's either that or just be alone all the time, and that's too painful. If I could find an easy painless way to kill myself I would do it. Meds don't work.

[manuel_moe_g]

I don't know what to say, except to beg you to keep the lines of communication open. You are correct that you have been let down too many times, and that you have been asked to carry more than you can bear. But please hold on until the sharpest pain go away, because these pains have a beginning and an end, and you can push through. We are listening and you are not alone - corny but true.

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Suicide and Suicide Prevention Resources

Suicide Prevention at 1-800-273-8255

another: 1-800-SUICIDE (1 800-784-2433)

another: type "Suicide Hotline" in you favorite Internet search

another: suicide.org -- Domestic & International Suicide Hotlines

These are your #1 resources, all other resources are conditional on you staying alive, and Suicide Prevention at 1-800-273-8255 is how you will stay alive.

Best online suicide-prevention collection of great resources: suicide.org

"Coping with Suicidal Thoughts: A Resource for Patients" -- Suicide resource packet multipage PDF, a work-booklet using Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)

Resources for helping others, including contacts to social media safety teams -- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline; Help Someone Else Online

Finally, here is a good summary of the precursors to suicide to help you understand yourself and others, it is from a PhD psychologist whose father committed suicide:

American Psychological Association - Thomas Joiner, PhD - Precursors to suicide, for yourself and others

Cheers to you, for scrolling all the way down to the bottom of this copypasta!