YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I've struggled with depression for most of my life. Lately though I haven't been feeling so much depressed as numb. The other night I tried to play a video game and gave up on it after about 10 minutes and went to bed 3 hours early even though I wasn't tired. I haven't wanted to read or crochet or do any of the activities I normally enjoy. At the same time I don't feel sad exactly, but just feel as if the rest of my life doesn't hold anything enjoyable and isn't worth continuing with.
I'm currently in therapy, a support group, and taking Abilify, Welbutrin, and weaning off of Cymbalta to be replaced by the Welbutrin. I don't know if maybe the medications have anything to do with my lack of mood. Does anyone else here experience this empty feeling? What have you done to help put vigor back into your life?

I wish I knew. I am so scared shitless about breaking down I can always find energy to put in a little self-development time, even if it is only for 3 minutes a day. Please take care, Frootsy.

Hey Frootsy.

I feel ya.

I know when I don't feel like knitting/crocheting/embroidering/quilting that I'm in a particularly deep rut.

Although I'm not currently on meds for my depression etc., when I have been and when the dosages have been right, I didn't get that numb bored emptiness. I didn't get highs or lows. I just felt capable of moving through the world at a reasonable pace. Maybe your dosages need to be more finely calibrated? Something to discuss with the healthcare professional who is prescribing for you, anyhow, I would think.

As far as putting vigor back in one's life, my experience is that if I stay alive and wait, the vigor will ebb and flow of its own accord.

The cloud (as I call it) comes, the cloud goes. The cloud has NOTHING to do with what I am doing or not doing, thinking or not thinking, etc. I cannot make it appear, nor can I make it disappear. Its appearance doesn't mean I am failing to do something. It will depart (and return, and depart, endlessly) on its own damn inscrutable incomprehensible schedule, and my job is (1) to learn to recognize when it's raining on me, (2) refrain from taking any life-changing actions (quitting a job, moving, dumping a lover, sleeping with someone new, telling someone what I *really* think of them, over-spending money, quitting or starting a diet or exercise program, etc.) while the cloud is around, and (3) cut myself some slack.

It's been about a week and I'm starting to feel a little better. I'm at least not spending my lunch break sleeping, and I managed to finish a book I was reading instead. I'm still not feeling very much, but I can at least get motivated enough to do things. I'm going to play a video game online with a friend tonight which should be fun.

It could be the time of year, partly. I don't normally have depressive tendencies, but I always find February/early March a time of high anxiety and low energy. I'm curious to know whether you will perk up as the weather gets warmer - I hope so!

I'm glad to see an update, Frootsy. I've been checking and wondering.

Thank you very much for your support.

Hi Frosty,

I hope you continue to feel better. I see you are in Irvine. Well, I'm around those parts once a week or so. I was in Laguna yesterday. Beautiful weather don't you think?