YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I'm sure someone has mentioned this somewhere on here, but this thought keeps bugging me today: Why is it any little bit of happiness or progress seems like an aberration and depression seems like the norm? Lately, I am finding this to be true even as I sometimes go from 70% depressed/30% happy to 50/50 or even on rare occasions, 60/40. I have seen some things start to shift as I have continued on this journey over the years, but that seems like an obstacle that isn't getting any smaller. On my bad days I feel like I can see the progress I've made just being wiped away in an instant and everything inevitably going to hell.

So true, the negative instance is so much more vivid than the positive instance. Keep on fighting, judasiscariotjr, you deserve that brighter day.

I've been thinking the same thing recently... I've even asked myself, "Do you LIKE to be depressed and anxious?" I feel like if I try to think positively, I get anxiety and unstable. When I go to sleep, I think about my absolute worst fears and psych myself out. And as demoralizing it is, I think I do go to depression and anxiety for comfort because I don't know what it feels like to truly be happy and positive.

Today, these memories of people being rude and disrespectful kept coming up and when I asked myself why I am doing this, I realized I'm doing this so that I can be "prepared" for the world where there's cold and mean people out there. It's so I won't be disappointed and feel betrayed when people do treat me bad in the future. How sad is that? I can't accept that there's people out there struggling with their own issues and give them slack. Instead, I take it to heart and am deeply offended. Then it leads to me feeling so invaluable that I think, "They are treating me this way because I'm not hard and tough enough." So therefore, I remember all of these incidences to "toughen myself up." But it doesn't...it only depresses me further...

I know I'm not making sense at all, but this is how I think...