YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

oh god how I wish I could tell you guys everything
But I can't, for a lot of reasons...
I am struggling to get by on my own...
And yet my mum who also struggles with anxiety and depression is putting her anxiety and depression on me and I live with her... I love my mum and want to help, but I'm so deep in my own crap... I'm 24 and I tell myself I'm an adult now so it's okay that she puts it on me... But I don't feel like an adult... I feel like a kid. I'm helpless. I need her for financial support and I have very little privacy... And I really really want to help... But I really can't. The weight of my own failure is crushing me...
I'm drowning.
I just don't know what to do anymore...

I feel ya, suck between a rock and a hard place.

I think it's more than your failures, that's crushing you. It's also the unfair burden put on you and that you're made to feel, you have to be available to your mom, because you need her support. It's a bit of a catch 22, you need her help to get back on your feet, yet you're also being brought to your knees by the responsibility put on you. Conditional love and support makes it hard and confusing to develop your own independency, because everyone time you're trying to practice a little independence, you're reminded, you're at risk, if you don't make yourself available to the person you rely on.

If you're suck there, I'd tell you to try to limit the amount of damage to take, without creating enough conflict to put you at financial risk. I treat my parents house as a lion's cage, sometimes I have to go there, actually I have to live there for 2-3 months, but if I'm there, I have to watch out for the lion. I know, have to accept some scratches, but I try to limit the contact with the claws and teeth. I try to be friendly, not too confrontational, but I also try to avoid doing or saying something, that I feel compromises my integrity too much.

Try to protect yourself as much as you can