YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I hate when I get like this. I work midnights, so I've been at work now for a few hours. I work mostly by myself and I get into the bad habit of staying in my head. Tonight I got stuck there and it got really bad. I feel like I'm going to lose my wife and my family. I've been a pretty terrible husband over the years and she has always forgiven me, or at least tried. I'm trying to be better but I always feel like I'm going to do or say something that will make her hate me. I'm afraid my daughters are going to turn out like me. I've had suicidal thoughts but have never tried to act on them. I feel like everyone would be so much better off if I werent around. I don't want to feel like this anymore and have been fighting bursting into tears all night.

This is my first post here and I hope this is not coming off as a "pity party" kind of thing. It's always really hard for me to try to open up or get thoughts out of my head.

I completely relate and i know what a terrible place being stuck in your head can be. Getting the thoughts out helps. Sharing, for me, helps.

And I understand the torture a long silent lonely night can bring when you cannot shut your inner critic off. I hope knowing you are not alone in your thinking or struggles brings some comfort.

As is the MIHH way I am sending hugs your way. Be kind to yourself.

Heard in the rooms:

"Your mind is a really bad neighborhood. You shouldn't go there alone or unarmed."

We've got your back.