YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

This really bothered me. I went to a bonfire a week ago and thought I was enjoying myself. I guess I can't even tell when I'm really depressed anymore because I'm so used to "faking it" . But yesterday my boyfriend's best friend told me that it didn't seem like I was having a good time at the bonfire and it seemed like I didn't even wanna be there. I know that I feel that way at times but when others are starting to notice it really bothers me. Oh and at work peoplw ask me why i look so sad or make comments about my weird facial expressions on a daily basis. And my social life is basically a joke. Now I just want to give up and stay in on the weekends because I don't want to be the Debbie downer in the group. Do people not want me around? I guess I wouldn't wanna be around me either. I just want to feel better again.

I know the urge is to isolate and stay in, but isolation just tends to feed the depression. I don't really have any advice. I know depression sucks, and I hope you can weather the storm and eventually get to feeling better.

Yeah, I overheard my nephew asking "why does [my name] sleep all the time?" Ugh. I wish he didn't notice!

OMG I hate that feeling! Especially when it's comments about your sleeping a lot. My roomates in college would always ask me "are you sick?" Because I always took naps and slept in. I felt like I was being judged. Like they knew I wasn't sick but we're trying to call out my what looked like to them was plain laziness. I wanted to say yes I'm sick but not the kind of sick you mean...

I have actually started using the term "sick" when I'm having an extreme bout of depression since it seems more effective at getting the point across.

I hate people noticing things I either don't want them to notice or wasn't aware of myself. My partner has developed a tendency to be hypervigilant about my perceived mood states, to the point where any time I get chatty or focused or even more productive than usual, she starts in with the "you must be manic." What I really hate is that once she's decided that I'm manic, absolutely everything that she doesn't like becomes symptomatic:

"You don't agree with me about the evils of organized religion? It must be the mania—not the the fact that you were raised by abusive but deeply religious caregivers and have some shit to work through."

"You not sleeping? It must be the mania -- not the fact that your partner is next to you in bed watching Netflix at 2am with the lights on and no earbuds."

Sorry. I think I hijacked your thread. I guess I'm a little irritated at the moment. Must be the mania.

Talking about another person's illness is kind of a breach of privacy. There is still taboo around all kinds of illness but people want to assuage their discomfort by showing they're not afraid to talk about it; even when the sufferer hasn't given them clearance to refer to it. People, sometimes innocently, want power over what is in fact none of their business. Or just because you've let them in on the secret, does not mean that, beyond sympathy, they can say whatever they like; especially if it exacerbates the condition; or worse, is simply them showing themselves that they are not suffering.

With more open conversation about mental illness, people out there think they can refer to it pejoratively, thinking that that is 'talking about it'; not knowing any better, and somehow also pat themselves on the back and think they're open minded.