YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Because I sure as hell do. I have an immediate plan but am not working very hard on it (actually, not working on it at all), but beyond that I don't have a clue. Like, it's weird to feel that if I don't make it into a graduate program I'll just pick something and kind of go for it, I guess? It makes no difference to me whether I end up in New York or Arizona or Maine or anywhere because I just don't care. I would be unhappy if, say, I ended up working for an insurance company because that's not what I want, but the things that I do want aren't worth striving for. They don't motivate me. I can't envision my life even a year from now, much less 5 or 10 years, so I can't make any concrete plans. Or I just don't want to.

I swear, I'm not trailing you around the boards just to say "I totally get you," but ...

I totally get you.

*high five*

High five! It's not a problem, I get the feeling that as only a certain number of users are active on here anyway, we'll all end up running into each other.

For what it's worth, I think there are also a handful of us here who consider themselves writers or artists or some other kind of creative sort who really do seem to have a common psychological profile. For example, a lot of what you've talked about (and what I identify with) I've also heard from other writers. Not all, but definitely some.

Maybe we're all just part of a particular clan. Like Hemingway and Plath and Foster Wallace and those guys.

Hopefully less "die by our own hand"-ish, though.

Definitely agreeing with the artist/writer comment. But yeah, I'm so directionless. I've traveled around the world and feel more lost than ever.

I have a lot of direction; it just doesn't feel like I belong to it. My own proper direction is a lot smaller, simpler, with lots of random changes of approach and inappropriate feelings in the midst of it. The force of the direction that carries me along from the outside demands I meet it with a kind of supercharged ambition that just isn't sensible to me. The irony is that that force doesn't require ambition, just a compliance to the form it's always taking; to let myself be taken by the current; which seems kind of anonymous and dehumanizing. I wouldn't claim to be an artist; just a fragile human whose own familiar motivation appears illegible against the background torrent of information.

HowDidIGetHere: Yeah, creative types do seem to tend towards emotional disturbance. It's a shame that we all seem to have these struggles.

SallieMaesBitch: Unfortunately, I've found that "wherever you go, there you are." Travel hasn't cured me of anything. But I hope that you enjoyed your trips anyway!

Beany Boo: Are you saying that you feel like you're getting pushed around by outside forces?

Getting? No. More like needing to be; pushed around so I can keep learning to get my feet under me.

A year late for the start of this thread, but yes. Heck very much yes. I can't even figure out what I want to do when it comes to simple things. Forget the big choices.

It's never too late to have no direction in life, girl! In all seriousness though, I hope that you feel better soon.