feeling like a failure who cant learn from my mistakes

[whycantIlearn]

This is the first time I have ever used a forum or written like this before so I hope everyone will bear with me. I am a teacher and have been since 2009. In my past I have gotten into trouble due to my sense of humor and with taking things to far with both co-workers and jokes with students. I lost my first teaching job fresh out of college due to this when I made an insensitive comment to a student as a joke. I was let go. fast forward to 2020 and I did it to a co-worker/ friend. I have come to admit to myself that my comments where likely sexual harassment even though I never meant them to make anyone uncomfortable, I truly believed at the time and believe still that I was just joking around. But again it went to far and I was asked to resign. Now 2022 at my third school I was written up this week because while "joking around" with a student ( NOT IN A SEXUAL MANNER) I went to far. The student was taking care of one of those alive babies as she was enrolled in early childhood education classes and while laughing with the student I pushed the head of the "baby" back to make it cry on a few occasions. The student also did it to me when I was holding and taking care of the baby for her and other staff and students did it as well. The student complained saying she thought my actions where going to make her fail, and because I had a "history" of taking jokes to far/ being to competitive with kids and trash talking when playing basketball in the gym I was written up. My question is WTF is wrong with me. Why can I not learn from my past and why do I keep making the same mistakes and being a complete fuck up. This flows into my personal life as well where my marriage is basically a joke and I feel like I keep screwing up everything good thing ( job, marriage, friendships) around me. Sorry I know I probably sound wishy washy and come off as a complete a-hole I am just sick of always feeling like I screw everything up.

[duck1]

I can relate. I am impulsive, I can be overfamiliar, overshare personal shit.

I also think I have inappropriate responses, and I am very hard on myself. and I use humor when it is not appropriate and no one understands what I want.

I have been called weird.
I praise myself when I lean from mistakes but sometimes I don't.

[snoringdog]

Hello Whycantilearn,

Welcome to the boards. You don't come across "as a complete a-hole" at all, just someone struggling with a problem.

I've occasionally made inappropriate jokes at times, as I think many people have. The question to ask is, what are we looking for when we do that?

In my case it's always wanting to break the ice or get some sort of approval through a laugh. To gain some kind of bond....

So basically, trying to connect, but motivated by insecurity instead of a desire for comradery.

Might that be the same for you?

BTW - You come across as self-aware, which is the first step toward improvement, no?

Wishing you well.

SD

[Mental Fairy]

I agree with SD completely, you don’t come across as an a-hole and yes you seem self aware. This is great as it’s a stepping stone to moving forward and making conscious efforts to maybe play a sentence over in your head and make a decision what would be appropriate to say at that time.

You simply acknowledging this is great.