YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I just give up... Its pointless to even try to care anymore... no one else does about anything so I have decided maybe its the best way for me to be is just to not care anymore. Im letting them win.... its useless to fight all the problems. Im just another fat dumbass fucktard walking on this rock until the powers that be decide its time for me too leave.... Hoping its sooner than later.... I just dont care anymore.

Hey -- don't write yourself off yet!

I feel like singing this to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKsxPW6i3pM

Seriously, though, hang in there. I know how it feels to drown in hopelessness. I really do. And I can tell you that things get better eventually.

Is there anyone you can talk to? You really shouldn't be alone with your thoughts, they'll tear you apart. If you feel like harming yourself please call the Suicide Prevention hotline (1-800-273-8255).

oh... im not going to die..it would make too many people happy.... I just give up.

Ugh, I wish I could just give you a hug.

Don't give up. You can't get much lower than you are now, right? There's so much room for shit to get better for you.
I'd be lying if I said it would be easy -- it's fucking hard. But oh lord is it worth it to just not feel this awful pain inside you.

Don't give up. Please.

Hey Meh,

I hope today finds you in a little better state of being. Probably not, I know, but I thought I'd share some hope. I know the feeling. I have hit some extreme low points in life where I felt much like you do currently. There were days I just wanted to lay down and sleep for days. I know it sucks, but I find if you can just keep moving, keep taking steps, keep reaching out like you did on this forum last night, that you'll find reasons to not give up, to care a little. Sometimes those reasons have to come from outside when you're too dark on the inside to see any light. Get involved in a friend's activity. Help a family member with some project or task. Find a few people to be around that get you out of yourself and trying new things.

Whatever you do I'm sending you some e-hugs right now. You're not alone may be a little cliche by now on this site, but it's that way because it's ever so true. Take care of you.

Im still around... just to put minds at ease....

I have had ups and downs over the past few weeks. Some days way to hard, others that I just get through.

Today is my Birthday. I have dreaded this day for the past two weeks. I had hopes that I would get calls from old friends saying "Happy Birthday! Where have you been? How are you?" But alas its 11:35am and the only call I got was from my Mother. She remembers at least but she is kinda obligated because she was there. I guess getting off Facebook back in November proved to be a better bridge burner than I though it could be. My wife also remembered. I got a couple of things from her but for some reason even though these are things that I wanted to grow my woodworking hobby I have found problems with most of the things that now its just a situation where I am going to have to spend more money to be able to use the new tools. Its frustrating. The wood working seems to be the best escape for me but by not having the proper tools I need it makes it harder to enjoy the new hobby to its fullest.

I have to work tonight.... on Bourbon street.. where everyone is having a great time and I will be constantly reminded how my depression has caused me to loose great friendships and now I spend most of my time alone.

I was going to avoid taking my meds today so I could have a drink after work but decided to go ahead and take them. At least when I am on the Adderall I can still force myself to get stuff done. On the down because it helps me concentrate when I dont have things too concentrate on I tend to drift into the thoughts of the mistakes I have made in life and how I really dont have any close friends anymore. I use my job as my social outlet and it has gotten to the point that I almost get depressed knowing that I will not have that social interaction for the next 12 hours or more on the weekends.

Im afraid to try to make new friends as I fear that I will just continue unloading all my problems on them without helping them or being there for them when they need me. I thrive on praise and get that when people purchase my things in the store I work at but its short lived and then when even the smallest bad thing happens it becomes the biggest thing I concentrate on in my life. Making a poor decision or thinking I did something correct but didnt destroys my attitude for days sometimes. The more I hear someone say "Just get over it....." or "Think about the good things and not the bad.." or even "You have to love yourself...." (which I think is the WORST) the more I just turn into someone who just wants to be alone even more.

I dont look in mirrors because I HATE what I see. I hate seeing my eyes because I see the monster I have become and I know that If I do look for too long I know that I will actually say "I hate you you fat fuck."

I just wish I had not stopped talking to everyone I use to know but it pains me more to see that none of them are reaching out to me now which confirms how much of a pain in the ass I really am.

Its my Birthday... 43 trips around the sun at 5:15pm this evening and the only thing I can think right now is that at 5:15pm tonight 43 years ago.. a bad idea was was brought into life.....

At least the strangers are here for me..... just wish I had friends.....

Happy birthday Meh.

I am glad you made it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I went through the exact same thing this year. No Facebook meant barely anyone remembered. Even a friend who asked me what day it was the week prior forgot on the actual day. What made it even better, was that a toxic person (who I since cut out completely) saw my ranting on social media and felt the need to tell me. "blame it on technology... or recognize how you are treating people and take a look at the consequences of your own actions". She basically told me "People didn't say HB because you're a shitty person" So that was tons of fun.

We all deserve love and acceptance in our lives. We deserve to surround ourselves with people who support us, who genuinely care about us no matter what state of mind we are in. It's hard to find those people sometimes, often it feels nearly impossible, but they are out there.

You are loved and accepted here and I hope you are able to find some joy on this day. YOU MADE IT!

Well..... so far I have spent the day completely alone.. I decided to get out of the house and go to a garage sale that said they had tools.... got there and found out that they had a few screw drivers but mostly clothing and a few odds and ends so I looked around and found an old set of sewing machine attachments for $3...I went up and asked the lady running the sale how much she wanted for another thing I had found and she said, in her best english, she was Spanish, that she would check with the person who owned the thing. Another lady who was there, obviously the first ladies mother, looked through the sewing machine box and said something about the light bulb that was in the box to the first lady. She responded something in spanish to the second and she went inside with both the sewing box and the other thing. When she returned she said thhree for the sewing stuff and $12 for the candle claiming that it was an antique. I told her that it is stamped on the bottom made in Japan on a sticker and it was not enough of an antique for me to spend $12. She finally came down to $7 on the candle and $3 for the sewing stuff. I said ok and gave her the $10 and walked to my truck. I got into the truck and opened the sewing box and found that she had taken the bulb out. The bitch had stolen from me.... I just drove off. I figure anything that I would say at that point was only going to make the day worse. I am in a coffee house right now sitting having a coffee..... alone.... before I have to go to work to which I am an hour early right now. Its hard to think that when I get up from here I have to go in and pretend to be happy that its my birthday and that they have gone to the local store and purchased some dry ass cake when I really dont even want to be celebrating this mistake. How do you put on your best "smile" and get one past them. I do appreciate the effort but other things are weighing on me right now and its hard to fake happy when you are so sad. It all just seems so pointless.