YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Do you ever find yourself saying "What can't I be happy and normal like this person, or that person"? I do. Not all the time, but sometimes I just think "what the fuck makes that person like that, and how do I become like that?"

I know we shouldn't compare ourselves, and I try not to, but I sometimes do. Then, I wonder "are they really happy?" I can see some of these "happy" people do have their own issues, but somehow they still seem to be happy. Perhaps, they just don't obsess over their own issues like I do, or is it that my brain is just screwed up and that is what it does by defaul?

The real answer is probably that some of these happy people really aren't as happy as they seem, and some really are. Everybody get's down once in a while, but a normal persons down time isn't as long as mine.

Love to hear if anyone else has these thoughts.

Thanks

I totally know how you feel, and like you I have to remind myself - just cause someone says they're happy doesn't mean they are. One of the reasons I grew to hate Facebook, people putting on these false fronts, not willing to admit it wasn't all sunshine & rainbows.

I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to find happiness in small things, but that came from a place of having to force myself. Going through nearly 2 years of unemployment amongst other shit, I HAD to find things to make me happy, or I wouldn't have made it. Simple as that. I most likely would not be here today if I hadn't learned to find those little things. I also started talking openly about the bad shit. I'm sure some people were very turned off when I would talk about my brother's suicide openly and frankly. But you know what? You don't have to listen, but I need to talk.

NOW - my thing is that I am SO SO SO envious of those who "have their shit together". Why is it that a friend who never had the schooling I did and who lied on her resume, gets the jobs that I thought I would get after school? Why does she get to make $10k more a year doing a job that I know more about than she does. I feel fucking terrible when these thoughts creep into my head... she has other shit way worse than I do, yet there's that little voice of resentment that pops up. Crap - wandering off... back to the original thought. I am definitely envious of those "who have it together". I'm surrounded by them. A little sister more successful than me, friends who completed schooling that I never did, who have long term relationships and groups of friends that all do stuff together.

Those are supposedly the happy people right? So I think we may be envious of the same folks, but I doubt they are all as happy as we think they are.

Hello, "inmymind"! Great nick!

I don't want to get all Oprah and "The Secret" on you, but envy is dangerous, and building a genuine happiness for other people being happy is part of sustained happiness for you.

In my family growing up, everything was envy. I had to learn to throw that away, so I could enter a mode of learning from those with better results than me.

Please take care, all the best, no matter what, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

Don't take me wrong. I always love to see my friends and family have happiness and success to the highest levels. I'm not envious at all of that. I'm also not envious of others who are happy. I am intrigued as to their happiness and I just wonder why they have it (or appear to) and I don't? I am not bitter in the least about it.

I do perscribe to all the wise teachings of Lao Tzu, Buda, Zen, God/Jesus, the Law of Attraction, Jungian psychology (and others) and I love that stuff and never get enough of it.

I wonder what it must feel like to be them for a day or two or a month? What do they feel? What are their emotions like over the period of a month? What are their thoughts and how is that so different from mine? Inquiring minds want to know. Hahaha.

Love to hear everyones experiences, and I thank those of you who chimed in.
Thanks

Happiness is not a good goal. Working for accomplishment and self-improvement are better goals, because they naturally suggest ways to take it step-by-step, day-by-day, with ups and downs. But happiness as a goal is like trying to lift a shadow off the floor and stuff it into an envelope for later.

I'm always wary when I find myself envious of another's happiness (or anything for that matter). What a person projects to the world is often very different from their reality.

I'm one of "those" people. Most people think I've never had a bad day in my life. Always up and quick with a joke. That's what I hide behind. It's the place where I've hidden all of my life.

We've all got our own struggles to deal with. The person who's life and happiness you envy could be doing everything they can to not throw themselves off a building. Yeah, I was that person.

I'm slowly learning that the only person I can work on and take care of is me. When I'm doing that well, I don't envy anyone.

All the fucking time.

But I'm also aware that on my good days when I run into people who notice my smiling face, that someone's probably thinking the same thing of me. And I know how screwed up in the head I am...

I'm ashamed to say, I do. Especially of women around my age who are happy (at least, look like they are) with their bodies.
I ask myself, why can't I be appreciative of the way I look?
I do want to look, feel and be better, fitter, healthier. But, whatever I have at any moment is what it is and i'll always want more.
So, I should be able to love my body at whatever stage i'm in and continue to help it get better.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

I envy those who look very fit and love their body as well as those who look the opposite way and still love their body.
IDk how they do it.

Weird Shanarchy... just yesterday on my way home I saw a girl with larger thighs like mine wearing REALLY short shorts. The first thought that popped into my head was... "Why don't I have the 'balls' to do that? Why do I feel like I CAN'T wear something like that? She's rocking them, why couldn't I?"