YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I think I've always been depressed and when I wasn't completely boarded up I was an anxious mess. I had a pretty horrible childhood. I have two parents that love themselves, money and status more than then their own children. I've always felt alone and shunned from my peers and family. I some how managed to keep a fuck them attitude, I may not have handled my mental disorders in the best ways in the past. Anorexia,cutting, pulling out my hair, drinking and drugs are just some of the bad ideas I had.
But now I have a chronic condition, at the age of 24 I lost the ability to ever run again or walk normally. It's been six years and there's rarely a day that I'm not in pain. Now I have herniated disc in my L5 that is pushing on my sciatic nerve, I've been through PT and had an epidural but the small amount of relief from those things only last so long. I have a pin management doctor but he doesn't know what to do. No one does. I feel like no one takes my pain serious and on top of being majorly depressed I don't know how much more I can take. I've tried to reach out to friends and family to no avail. I found a counselor but no longer can afford to see them. I'm on effexor, but I don't see much hope. I'm so tired of being in so much pain I don't want to live anymore. I'm at a loss, I'm broke and broken. People see how much pain I'm in everyday but do their best avoid me because they don't want to help. I don't have anything left to lose, the only thing keeping me here are my cats and that's pathetic.

Hi BigFun,

My mom has depression and chronic pain. Myself, I used to have sinus headaches, but when I got serious about my depression and anxiety, they diminished.

I honor your pain. You have a burden of suffering that makes it hard to rise above because of the cumulative effect. I feel inadequate to help you, and I wish I was better so I could help you. Please take care, you don't deserve to suffer.

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Low/No Cost Mental Health Resources

United States website to find sliding scale "low/no" cost mental health services. Also information on medication assistance: NeedyMeds - Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics U.S. Database

Discussion of low and no cost therapy resources, even in usually under-served areas: Maria Bamford podcast, Episode 95, Jan 04 2013 at minute 6:00.

If you think you might need this resource, then you definitely need this resource - please check out the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network - RAINN at RAINN.org

Google searches for low and no cost therapy resources, even in usually under-served areas: your town or county + one of these terms:

• low cost counselling service
• sliding scale counselling service
• CMHC
• community mental health
• community service board office

From this MentalPod board - some places to get help for people with limited resources:

• Help for little or no money
• Best Insurance Companies/Types for Mental Health Care
• Links for More Mental Health Info/Suicide Hotlines

Here is a post and thread on Reddit about getting medication at low or no cost: Community Assistance Program, accepted at Target pharmacy and many other pharmacies

Cheers to you, for scrolling all the way down to the bottom of this copypasta!

Bigfun,
Your situation is honestly one of the most heartbreaking ones to treat. In every other situation, the rule of thumb (at least the ones that are colloquial) all boil down to: (a) go to the doctor, (b) get an answer about what's wrong, and (c) get treatment. Unfortunately, however, chronic pain remains one of the true mysteries of medicine. Any good professional knows the patient's pain is real (and tell any provider who says otherwise to go fuck themselves), but because of the nature of the disease, the problem is that either (a) the providers don't know where the pain is coming from (physically, I mean--that is, right down to the cellular level) and therefore how to treat it, or (b) they might know or have an idea of where it's coming from and they don't know how to treat it.

In addition to that, there's too many providers out there who seem to treat chronic pain patients as though their elevated use of painkillers is akin to addiction. That's not at all a fair or accurate description. Yes, chronic pain patients can be addicts, but just because someone with chronic pain takes more painkillers than the average person, that does not make them an addict. Therefore, this approach too many providers have in treating chronic pain where they tout the idea that patients should become completely abstinent from painkillers is just unfair and ridiculous.

Obviously I can't help much with giving you meds, fixing your pain, etc., and it seems like other providers have failed at doing that too. But I can offer you a new technique to try out. Before I describe this, please note that I am NOT suggesting that your pain is permanent and will never go away; I don't know enough to be able to say either way in the least. The approach I'm describing simply approaches the situation from that standpoint in order to be useful to all types of chronic pain patients.

An emerging therapeutic technique called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is being applied to chronic pain increasingly more and more. The focus of this treatment is NOT on making the pain go away, but making the pain's ability to interfere with your life so much go away. Now be sure to note that acceptance does not mean approval, so the treatment does not suggest that you should approve of your pain as a welcome feeling. Rather, it suggests that your life is worth living despite that pain and in order to live in the face of that pain you have to accept its presence, rather than spend all your time fighting it. To clarify the difference, I don't approve of the fact that same-sex marriage is not federally recognized, but for right now I accept it because I refuse to let it disable my life.

I suggest this text: http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Int ... 1572244259

It seems like corny self-help crap, I know, but its written by ACT's creator and is really an amazing workbook. ACT is the new wave of therapy (along with DBT) as CBT makes its way out, and like I said, this is increasingly being used with chronic pain patients. The best part is that you can start to learn about and use it yourself (though a professional is always helpful in their objectivity).

If you wanted some more information on ACT in chronic pain specifically, Kevin Vowles at the University of New Mexico specializes in chronic pain research and is a leader in adapting ACT to the treatment of chronic pain. He's also tremendously nice and I imagine it wouldn't hurt to contact him and ask for some direction.

Best of luck; hope you feel better soon.

Hi Bigfun,

I very much empathize with your pain, both the physical and emotional aspects of it. Chronic pain makes us fatigued, frustrated, stressed and left feeling hopeless and all those things make the pain feel worse. It is so incredibly draining to fight pain every single day, which is made worse by the fear that there may be no relief. Add to that the feeling of being misunderstood and questioned, even by doctors. Or I should say, especially by doctors. I wish I could give you good advice on how to feel better, but the truth is I'm down in the dumps and hurting too. I think that sharing and making human connection helps.

Take care,
serenity88

I've been taking cymbalta for about 3 months and I'm glad to report an improvement in my pain level. I haven't had a flare up since starting to take it and my daily experience of pain has lessened. For this I am so thankful. I've also increased my dose of gabapentin, so it could be the two working together. Or because I'm on medical leave and my stress level has lifted a great deal. Likely a combination of factors. In any case, this is good news that I wanted to share.

~serenity88