My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, so I am also going through a period of severe depression. You can read about my story
in this post if you like. My ex is dealing with a lot of stuff herself (she would be a good guest to have on the podcast), so she didn't feel she had it in her to be in a relationship on top of all that. It wasn't anything either of us did to each other. Unfortunately our relationship was a victim of some issues she struggled with even before we met.
Our relationship was difficult due to both of us living at home, and our schedules, between my work and her school and work schedule. But we had a special chemistry, enjoyed each other's company and never hurt each other or lied or did anything passive-aggressive. But she never had a life on her own away from a relationship or her family, and she wants to explore that. If we were just simply incompatible or she wasn't very nice, I could write this off. But I really thought we could have had a future together. We went out for two years despite the circumstances. I eventually got over the break-up of a previous four-year-long relationship. But that was my very first relationship, and who's first relationship ever lasts? We also weren't compatible. This recent break-up, however, hurts because I thought we had a future together.
She was a bright spot in my life. But the break-up, on top of all the crap I have to deal with, pushed me into a deep funk. For the past few weeks I've felt like I had a spiky bowling ball in my stomach. I barely ate for about two weeks. I eat more now, but not as much as I used to. I'm constantly sad, even at work. I've had maybe one truly okay day in the past few weeks. I thought I was getting over it, but the sadness returned the next day. I've broken down and cried a couple of times. While I'm not truly suicidal, I say or think "I want to kill myself" countless times a day.
Everyone goes through multiple break-ups and heartbreaks in a lifetime. But when I'm going through it, it feels like I'm the only one in the world who feels such gut-wrenching pain. It feels like it will never end. And it feels like I'll never meet anyone I love as much as my ex. It really does feel like I'm going to be sad forever, and therefore, alone forever.
Last weekend I went to a concert with one of my best friends and his girlfriend. That, combined with the sad music and seeing a bunch of other couples there, triggered even more sadness in me. In hindsight it was the wrong concert to go to.
I'll spare you the cliches, since I'm also kind of tired of hearing them from my friends, as well-intentioned as they are. I only feel okay if some task at work is occupying my mind, or if I'm with friends and we're not talking about the break-up. As soon as I'm by myself I become miserable again. All I can do is engage/distract myself, and hope that the pain subsides with time.
Friends and family members' positivity doesn't do that much to reduce my pain, though it helps a little. I feel that the happiness and healing have to come from within. That seems unfair, given that the sadness came from some external source, but unfortunately that's how my life seems to play itself out. I basically listen to sad music and skip meals until I get tired of that.
The best I can say is that you're not alone in your pain, and that it is natural and acceptable to feel broken.