Thanksgiving and relationship
Posted: October 7th, 2013, 9:18 pm
Next weekend is Thanksgiving (I'm in Canada) and I want to hide. My family is getting together and having dinner like usual at my parents place - I live with them so I can't avoid the situation very easily. At the dinner will be my sister and her husband, and my brother and his girlfriend. My sister was just married, and though I'm happy for her I'm also jealous and it's reminding me of the situation in my own relationship.
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 4 years, and the last two have been long distance - he got a job in the US. Recently he told me that we need to start thinking about what we want to do - if we are okay staying long distance, and for how long, and if I'm willing to move to Europe eventually. I'm in college at the moment, and my plan was to finish and try to get a job in the US. He doesn't want to move back here. He doesn't want to get engaged/married until we're living together again, so it's up to me to find a way to legally stay in the states in order for us to stay together. If I keep going to school it will be another year of this long distance at least, and I'd probably be okay with it but I don't know about him. Sometimes I feel like his work and goal of moving to Europe are more important than me, and like he's not willing to sacrifice anything for me. He says he needs me to think about what I want, because he doesn't want me to move for him and regret it. I get that, but I really don't know what I want! I'd like to be with him, but I want to know that he really wants to be with me and that he's willing to at least make some compromises for me.
Should you make sacrifices in a relationship? Should I try to get a job and be with him? When I feel like he isn't giving me enough attention or a large enough priority in his life is that true or just my insecurities making me think that? Is it okay to be so unsure of everything?
I really struggle with feeling unimportant, unworthy, and invisible. During the wedding my new brother-in-law was thanking the bridesmaids and forgot (or doesn't know) my name, and made some sort of comment about how we never talk. That really hurt. I've always been shy in addition to those feelings of insignificance. I haven't been around him since the wedding, and I'm not looking forward to seeing him at thanksgiving.
I just wanted to get that out. I'd appreciate any advice, stories, and thoughts though.
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 4 years, and the last two have been long distance - he got a job in the US. Recently he told me that we need to start thinking about what we want to do - if we are okay staying long distance, and for how long, and if I'm willing to move to Europe eventually. I'm in college at the moment, and my plan was to finish and try to get a job in the US. He doesn't want to move back here. He doesn't want to get engaged/married until we're living together again, so it's up to me to find a way to legally stay in the states in order for us to stay together. If I keep going to school it will be another year of this long distance at least, and I'd probably be okay with it but I don't know about him. Sometimes I feel like his work and goal of moving to Europe are more important than me, and like he's not willing to sacrifice anything for me. He says he needs me to think about what I want, because he doesn't want me to move for him and regret it. I get that, but I really don't know what I want! I'd like to be with him, but I want to know that he really wants to be with me and that he's willing to at least make some compromises for me.
Should you make sacrifices in a relationship? Should I try to get a job and be with him? When I feel like he isn't giving me enough attention or a large enough priority in his life is that true or just my insecurities making me think that? Is it okay to be so unsure of everything?
I really struggle with feeling unimportant, unworthy, and invisible. During the wedding my new brother-in-law was thanking the bridesmaids and forgot (or doesn't know) my name, and made some sort of comment about how we never talk. That really hurt. I've always been shy in addition to those feelings of insignificance. I haven't been around him since the wedding, and I'm not looking forward to seeing him at thanksgiving.
I just wanted to get that out. I'd appreciate any advice, stories, and thoughts though.
*big hugs* I know there isn't much to make you feel better, but I hope everything works out for the best in the long run.