YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hey everyone

I decided to start a new post because I'm lying in bed not doing crap. I have relapsed into a major depression and cannot pull myself out of bed. I cancelled two meetings already just because I had no will, motivation, or energy to move. Has anyone felt this way before? even though logically I know it's not true, I feel pretty worthless and cannot seem to take care of myself. Just thinking of basic life things creates anxiety for me and seems like impossible tasks. Booooourns

Dear MichaelHung,

I've had this feeling, too. The heaviness of it, for me, comes when I am unable to gather the strength to get up, but fail, at the same time, to sleep through it. I pace through my room and typically keep thinking, what have I done in life? What is my value as a human being? Why should I bother to get up and do stuff at all?

I don't know how similar your situation is in this phase, but I find myself thinking these thoughts of worthlessness and actually find justification in telling myself, it's all too rational for me to think this, it is the rational side of me telling me how much of a fuckup I am, it is the rational approach to give up on life. It's only in retrospect that I see through this and realise, it was the depression holding me back. You cannot rationalise every feeling in life, so when you sense a feeling of worthlessness coming, you try to fight it back, knowing it's not the logos, it's the pathos, and it's bad for ya, and it's out of context. This could even be the way to overcome some of the depression. But you said already that you know the feeling's not logical, which I commend. Again, dunno how similar your situation is.

Hope this helps!!!
Wishing you good luck and recovery,

e.

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Missed work all week. Managed to go in on Wednesday but the sad look on my coworkers who knew why I had been missing work was too much for me to bear. Slept 17 hours today, then just sat in bed the rest of the day, doing nothing. I can totally relate to the feeling of worthlessness fighting with the logical (i tell myself, well if you're such a piece of shit then why are people checking in on you?) but it doesn't help. What I'm doing now is just going one step further with friends checking in and forcing myself to go to coffee or lunch with them just to get out of the house. We'll see if it helps.

Let us know how you're doing and I will do the same.

kel

Thanks guys for the responses. It does help to hear that others are feeling the similar way. It must really be the depression that is keeping me from getting out of bed and making everything so "heavy." I guess one solution is giving myself to get out of isolation. It's such a weird thing isn't it? Depression keeps me from what would make me feel better. The depression makes me want to stay isolated and in bed which makes things worse. Depression can be a dick ahah