YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

The only thing left for me when my family died (mother, father and sister all killed by their own addictions before I turned 30) were my friends, and then my ex told so many of them I was lying about him abusing me, and I tried to stand up for myself but it seems like all I got from people were either them saying I was a liar or telling me I deserved whatever he did to me because I made him so miserable and he just was never like that before, so it must be some thing I did to make him so angry.

And I mean, looking at my life for the past six years, each year has gotten progressively worse. I've lost more and more people along the way, either through social group drama or death.

I just don't know how much worse it can get, and if I fixed some of my problems, what would be the point? I'm here without my family, getting too old to have a family of my own, having friends who were like family turn their backs on me and everything I do to make myself feel slightly better just seems to prolong the inevitable.

I just have this overwhelming feeling that I'm done. That all my stories have been written, the plot is over, what the hell am I still doing here. I'm also so angry because everyone's lives seem to have moved on to the next level, and I'm just here, out of place in this world. I hate this. I just feel like I'm not supposed to be here anymore.

I read what you wrote, and I honor your pain. Fuck you ex and fuck your ex-friends who sided with him after you stood up to his abuse. I will say it again to you - by having those losers out of your life, you have evidence that your standard for how other people treat you is rising, which means you are taking better care of yourself. Which makes me happy, because you deserve better than abuse. Please take care and be loving to yourself in this time of turmoil. We here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.

You ARE moving to the next level, you are just in a temporary turmoil right now.

Thank you. It's an every day struggle. I feel like I may have a bit of a love addiction because of my inability to let go of people who treat me like garbage. I still make their opinions count so much more to me than they should. One of my friends who actually stood by me (and for me even in the beginning when I couldn't do that for myself) told me that my ex repulses her because of the things he's done, and I'm just here being all goddamn confused about him, my life, the universe and everything in between. Ugh. Moving forward, I guess.

vampedvixen wrote:One of my friends who actually stood by me (and for me even in the beginning when I couldn't do that for myself) told me that my ex repulses her because of the things he's done

I like this friend. The best kind of friend is one who stands up for us when even we are unable to do so. Please take care, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

I've seen a pattern in women. I call it getting beyond their slutty period. It hit in their late twenties. They finally find their voice. They stop blaming their parent for the life they have and start to take ownership of their lives. It's is quite amazing to watch. It's actually great you're finally at this point.

It's also great you're because so insightful that your "picker is broke". The advice I've hear on this: If you find you're suddenly attracted to someone, stop and question it. There's a book about it, Women Who Love Too Much. http://www.lovelineshow.com/b/Recommend ... 81995.html

What's amazing about life... if you talk to people around you, you can have a new partner, new job, and a new place to live in a day! Set a goal. Get the education to achieve that goal, and before you know it, you'll have all the things you want.

Hey OP!

I hope things get better for you. I wish I could offer something other and better than tropes, but I hope things get better for you.

I am pleased that you've used your voice to say what is going on with you. If we truly are only as sick as our secrets, then talking about these sorts of things make us healthier, more whole.