New home "AKA" fortress of solitude

[Corey]

Well I thought id post on here because I am feeling kinda low. I have struggled with moderate depression for most of my life. I was ignored or verbaly abused most of my childhood; my mother is a narcissist and my father is an ex alcoholic workaholic. I moved around allot as a kid and It made having friends and fitting in difficult. I did once stay in a place long enought to make a good group of friends. It just made moving away harder and it was followed by a new area were I always felt different, ostracized and even bullied. I have tended to isolate myself ever since. Fast track 10 years later and I have been force to move yet again because of the company I work for. I packed all my stuff and moved 1000k north to a rough mining town. Here I lay in my new home. My first house should be exciting but it feels like a prison. It doesnt feel so bad when I go to work because I get some human contact but I work shift and my schedule involves working almost every day and long stretches off. I am currently on my 7th day off in a row and my only human contact has been with my uncle for about 5 minutes when he stopped by this afternoon to answer a question. My last day of work was a nightshift and I have been sleeping in till noon or latter ever since. I have projects I could be working on, a motorcycle to ride or hitting the gym but It all feels so useless because they would only be for myself and im not really that important. I just sit at my computer, play video games, chain smoke cigars and listen to podcasts so I dont feel so lonely. I barely have any appetite and force myself to eat a couple times a day. I searched and there are no depression support groups in the town. And I just dont feel like id be good company to whatever "normal" people I could find in a social activity. I tend to just curl up and isolate when all I need is to go out join something interact with someone. I could go on but I feel like this is long enough for people not to want to read as it is.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Corey, welcome to our little forum! Looking forward to reading your contributions to the threads here!

I read your post, and I honor your pain. Your sense of isolation reminds me of my college years, when I could get through days without talking to anyone. Isolation and avoidance are killers. There are no depression groups in your town, but are there other mental health resources? Please take care, all the best, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.

[fieldingmellish]

Hello Corey,

I relate to what you're going through, as I'm going through a similar thing myself. I've spent most of the last few weeks alone. I've been dividing my days between sitting alone in my room trying to do some writing and going for long walks on my own. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I have one good friend, but I don't want to overwhelm her with constant texts about how I'm feeling. She's out of town for the next three weeks and I'm dreading it. I'm waiting to start a new job and I'm running out of money, which means I've been unable to pay for the therapist I've been seeing.

My only refuge at the moment is going to support groups. I go to a couple of groups and they have really helped me to connect with people who are going through similar things. I'd urge you to seek one out in your area; even if you don't feel like contributing to the group, it's good to be in a safe space with people who won't judge you. I hope you can find a support network to help you through this tough period. This is a great place to start