YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hey, all -

So, it's been almost three years for me with my current therapist, and though I find it difficult to trust my instincts, I'm thinking it's time for me to find another one. While I'm freaked out about starting all over with someone else, I keep having breakdowns and I'm not finding week to week that I'm feeling better.

This is, in a word, terrifying for me. I hate confrontation, and though I've brought it up to my therapist that I was/am thinking of ending the relationship, he keeps bringing it back to "oh, you're in a crisis right now, which is making you want to run from everything". Basically, putting the blame on me for feeling that this isn't working.

Thoughts? How do I do this ?

And, something else to add - my current therapist is psychodynamic/interpersonal in his practice/philosophy. I've done CBT before with someone else as well, which also didn't work for me. I'm thinking of finding someone who is either ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) or SE (Somatic Experiencing) - my issues are mainly General Anxiety Disorder with more than a touch of depression, brought on by childhood emotional trauma. Does anyone have good experiences to relate with either?

Hey there-

First off, sorry you're therapist isn't being as supportive as he should be, especially in crisis. When you are in crisis is the hardest time to find a new therapist, but I commend you for realizing it's time to find someone new.

When I had to separate from my first and favorite therapist (I was graduating and seeing a university therapist), she advised me to think of finding a new therapist like dating, but you can be more brutal. If you don't like how someone looks or talks or whatever, don't go to them again. You need to be able to 100% trust this person. Unlike a date, this is a therapist's job, so it comes with the territory.

For me, I look at my insurance's list of therapists and narrow it down by geography and gender (if that doesn't matter to you, then ignore it). I scan the list and look at the names. As a writer, names are important and I just couldn't trust someone with my mom's name or just plain old don't like some names. I will often look up the therapist online to see how old they are because I prefer someone younger.

Then I call 1-3 of them and make initial appointments. Hopefully I like the first one, but I make sure to have back-ups if not. Psychology Today has a good database of therapists, but it is by no means complete. I like it, though, because some therapists have their photos, biographies, and therapy philosophies posted.

This can all be very daunting, so make a schedule. By the end of the week you will have printed the list. By the end of the next week you will make 3 phone calls. And then go to the appointments.

This process has served me well over 3 moves and therapist-transfers. Just like first dates with no feelings!

Best of luck.
-Ali