YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Anybody else get anxiety (of the "OMG, I'm making the wrong choice!!!" variety) when presented with opportunities you thought you wanted more than anything?

I was invited to try out/jam with for a band (doing 80s hair metal covers!) last weekend. I had some hesitation from the start, but I didn't want to pass up such a great opportunity (I've only been singing for about a year, so to be told I "have potential" and have the chance to be in a band this early on is HUGE). I went to the jam session and had a ton of fun (at least I think I did - the anxiety had numbed me out by that point). I'm still waiting to hear back from the band as to whether they want me or not, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but when I think of them saying "yes", I feel mostly tension; when I think of them saying "no", there's incredible relief. That said,
my questions are these: why am I SO fucking anxious about doing something I thought I so desperately wanted (to be in a band)? And, has anyone else experienced this? I always worry that the anxiety means something, because usually it does...but what if it doesn't?! I just want this tense and twisted knot in my gut to go away...

I used to be controlled by anxiety and I used to spend all my energy on controlling my anxiety.

You went there in spite of your anxiety, but even though you had fun and did good, your anxiety is still there and it's job is to tell you "maybe you didn't have that much fun and maybe they didn't like you that much." Your anxiety probably think it's doing you a favor, protecting you from disappointment, but maybe it's limiting you in the process.

For me, realizing that my anxiety was well meaning, but over protective, helped me become better at overriding my anxiety when making decision and when evaluating how well I did after an event. My anxiety always error on the side of caution, so I had to train myself in thinking: "If I enjoyed myself, well heck! Maybe I actually enjoyed myself." And slowly I began enjoying myself more and more. My anxiety is still here and it still limits me, but not as much.

Maybe your anxiety is just anxiety. It's okay it's there, it's okay to worry about getting or not getting something you really want, but despite your anxiety told you to hesitate, you still went. Despite your anxiety, you still had fun and if you had fun, you probably forgot your anxiety for a while and the band probably had fun too. Whether the band wants you or not, it takes courage to put yourself out there and you did.

You were anticipating a feeling of relief when they say "no", I've certainly had that MANY times!!

I think any endeavour carries potential risks, and that's why we get anxious: we anticipate things going wrong. It's far more likely that if you say yes to this, it will be positive. Even if it isn't, you won't have regrets and you'll have learned something. I hope you get into the band!!

Thanks for the encouragement! I also got a really good pep talk from a friend/mentor, had a cry because what she said really hit home, and the anxiety passed! Still waiting to hear back from the band, but regardless of the outcome, at least I had a powerful learning experience and dug deeper underneath the anxiety

I'm so glad this resolved for you! THe relief after anxiety is always so precious. I agree with what's said above...sometimes anxity is just anxiety, sometimes it's happening because we are so used to it happening it's an automatic reaction. It doesn't necessarily have to mean something as far as you not enjoying yourself. Letting go of that idea is so freeing.

Yeah...but after all that, I didn't make it. SO close, but no cigar. Now I get to say hello to depression, lol.

Little Mighty,

Don't let your mental illness ruin what is an accomplishment. You need to remember your BESTED your anxiety in this match. It didn't matter the outcome in that case, that is the universe making a decision. YOU made the choice to do something that the little bastard in your head told you to avoid because it might cripple it's hold on you. You are a winner in this one. There could be plenty of other opportunities for playing the future because you took this step. That said, if you beat yourself up, I think you're in good company... that's what sustains us here right? HA