YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi friends. I'm always talking about using one's words, so here goes:

While coincidentally at the dentist, I mentioned that I was having very strong chest pains. The paramedics were called, and after taking something like a portable EKG, they offered to either take me to the hospital or go home.

I went home, and feel a little better.

Anxiety is getting the best of me, and I want to feel better.

There's much more I want to say about today's episode and my plans going forward, but for now I want to take it easy.

I need help. Thanks for listening.

Please take care and keep us posted. Oak.

Hey buddy,

I hope you're feeling better.

Hopefully you are seeing in retrospect that you were in pain, thought you might need help, and knew to ask for it. And of course the dentist was looking out for you and did what they thought was right. So it sounds like you received some pretty quality care, for a dentist

And I hope you get the help you need. Again, you seem to be comfortable asking for it which is admirable.

Take it easy this weekend and get the rest you need and deserve.

Thanks Rivergirl and Leendert!

I am feeling better, physically.

I am exhausted and sad.

I know I am fortunate to be be 41 and walk away from severe chest pains. I don't want to take this lightly.

One of the few good thins about crisis (and I see this as a crisis) is that it gives me a chance to really take a hard look at myself and how I'm living.

When I was sitting there, in the dentist's waiting room, I had one of those moments of clarity, as I thought I was dying: "My life has not been satisfying. I am lonely for a woman."

This is a chance to throw overboard any baggage that is holding me back or holding me down.

This takes courage for me to admit: I am grieving a friendzoning I received in August 2016.

I feel old, like I aged ten years yesterday.

Today I called my EAP to ask for help.

They were very kind and even set me up for another three sessions with the wonderful EAP counselor I had a year ago.

I used my words.

Keep taking care of yourself Oak

I am doing really, really badly.

I have considerable anxiety and loneliness.

Right now I have mild chest pains. I will call 911 if they get as bad as they were on Saturday.

Tomorrow I will call off work if I need to: I hope to see one or both of my EAP counselor and/or primary care physician. In the meantime I'll call 211 if I get much worse mentally.

Longer term I want to live a more authentic life. A happier life. More nature, more sunshine, more friends. My current life is terrible in many ways, and has been for years.

I don't know what this new life will look like. I have some ideas of how to start to get there. I don't know how things got this bad. I don't know how I put myself last for so long.

The only way my psyche can communicate with me is through physical pain. A panic attack is a clear signal that I need to do something differently. Years of sadness and loneliness and compromise didn't make me change. Do I have to die of a heart attack to become more authentic?

I have just a few ideas of how to begin. Hopefully it is enough.

I have a list of eleven things to do (posting here in this forum was #2). I am scared.

Change is scary. Sometimes it takes something just as scary(chest pains) to force us into change. I think very highly of you Oak and you do deserve better. Take care of yourself.

Please take care Oak, thinking of you. What books and resources are you considering for dealing with loneliness and meaningful relationships, if you don't mind sharing.

Thank you, Brownblob and Manuel Moe!

Since you were kind enough to ask, here are my resources: friends, family, primary care physician, EAP counselor, employer wellness department, physical therapist, nutritionist, personal trainer, public library, and of course this forum.

I had another panic attack yesterday, and it was hell. It was the worst hour of my life. So I called off work and have an appointment with the nurse practitioner today and the wonderful EAP counselor Saturday.

As far as books to overcome loneliness, I have several dating books from about ten years ago that really helped me! Right around then my financial and professional life fell apart. I don't want to say that I sold out to corporate America: I knew what I was compromising, and corporate America has been good to me. Now I am left with the consequences of that compromise. Can I turn it around?

I am in no position to not consider any good idea. If you know of any books, movies, etc I'd be glad to hear them.

Besides the mental and physical agonies I had something of a moral breakdown: I realized my life is not satisfactory. My body is rebelling.