Anxiety hierarchy: play at open mic.

[oak]

As I continue to learn what is latent male beauty within me, I am teaching myself guitar.

My goal is, in the next 2.5 weeks, to play Three Little Birds at a local open mic.

Typing here is an anxiety enough for right now, so I’ll detail my planned exposure hierarchy soon. With a little courage I will make it to step two in about fifteen minutes. Yikes :O

[oak]

Gah.

Agh.

I made it to step two!

The anxiety was painful. I did it anyway.

It was to ask the staff person about the when and how of open mic. It turns out the barista was very attractive. Yikes!

I politely explained I am teaching myself guitar, and she kindly replied that it starts Fridays at 7. I caught her looking through her eyelashes at me, which is flirty and very encouraging as I take steps daily to learn the chords and strumming of the song.

I also noticed an attractive brunette checking me out. After being an office drone all week, I am inspired to not give up hope on weightlifting and guitar.

I’ll post more about the exposure hierarchy itself soon, but this will have to suffice for a courage report for now.

[oak]

I can play an e major chord, if given about thirty seconds.

Now I just need to get an a major (not bad), d major (yikes), strumming, put the chords together with the strumming (heaven help me), and then get up in front of strangers and be totally exposed.

[oak]

Guitar Zero

Step 5 of my anxiety hierarchy is to play Silent Night for my kind and encouraging father. In practice that meant switching between g major and d and c majors, and strum whatever.

I couldn’t do it.

Not that I couldn’t do it because of emotions or anxiety (though I had those) but because I couldn’t get a proper g major, much less transition to the d, to say nothing of the c.

Fortunately thanks to step four of my hierarchy (learn about hand strengthening and flexibility exercises), I can continue to effect My beleaguered step 3: get up an hour early during the week to practice for a few minutes.

My goal is to play Three Little Birds at the open mic on they last Friday in December.

It looks not so great, but I am persisting for now.

Thanks for listening! <3

[manuel_moe_g]

This is so great. So impressed at how you are a self-actualized man. Good luck!

[oak]

Awww thanks Manuel Moe. Your encouragement means a great deal, especially since I felt like a failure when I couldn’t switch between chords for silent night.

I’ve just started to pick the guitar back up (anxiety hierarchices are great for taking simple but difficult steps).

Part of my trouble is that I don’t really care about silent night.

I really want to play Sweet Child O Mine or Crazy (per Willie Nelson) since all I really care about is love.

Freud said a man has two worthy pursuits: work and love.

I want to sing love songs, to praise a woman’s beauty. I’ve got the work part of a man’s destiny down. Now I want to explore love.

[oak]

Hi friends.

I’m off work til the new year, and I am getting home internet tomorrow, so if I get bold and diligent I may be audacious enough to play a song at the open mic Friday!

Aaaaaaah :O

I am continuing to do my hand strengthening exercises.

[oak]

Here is my anxiety hierarchy. Aaaah!

Guitar Hierarchy

Do hand strengthening and flexibility exercises (daily)
Pick up guitar.
Tune guitar.
Do stretches.
Do left hand finger scales.
Do strumming exercise.
Practice beginner chords.
Do a Udemy tutorial
Sync fretting with strumming.
Play a song.

Milestones

Play for father.
Then friend.
Then kind sister
Then local open mic. A big deal

[oak]

Tonight I had the opposite of a meltdown: a courage bubble.

I precisely used an anxiety hierarchy:

I desperately wanted to check out the open mic (due to hand pain I am not ready to play chords) for "motivation" (ie see attractive women, many of whom are reportedly attracted to guitar players). The anxiety was a 8.

"Just take the trash out" I told myself. eg, face my agoraphobia. I did, it is was a lovely evening.

"Just drive to the cafe, and then turn around and go home". Okay, I did that. Still fine.

"Just get out of the car, walk up to the window, see the pretty girls, and drive home". Okay, done. Hmmm. I see some men my age with guitars.

"Just go inside, buy a cookie, see the pretty girls, and leave." Okay, done. There are four or five men with guitars, and they look friendly. Anxiety because they may be able to help me achieve something I really want. Run!

I safely get in the car and start to drive home. Before I leave the parking lot I know I am going to circle back to the cafe, get out, interrupt their conversation (as politely as I can) and spill the beans.

A well-known dating book taught me how to go up to strangers to unobtrusively start conversations. It never got me any dates, but it did teach me how to walk up to practically anyone, and say: "Hi my name is Oak. [Discuss something in the environment of mutual interest]."

It turns out, of course, that they were perfectly lovely.

I met the guys, and chatted with one about chords (G, C, and D are very useful), the Weimar Republic, and discovered mutual friends. We laughed and laughed even though we had just met.

I have a way to go forward.

More updates soon. This experience has been more challenging than I anticipated, but I have a dream to get up there and play "Three Little Birds".

Thanks for listening <3.

[oak]

This is me using my words. This is uncomfortable, so it is all the more reason to do it. Here goes. Yikes.

Good news

I got a new tutorial online, and this guy is great. He explained switching between E and A major chords. I can do it!

Not well or quickly, but I can do it. This is a big big deal, because in addition to strumming (which is also much improved), thousand of songs we all know, if I can add a D major chord to the E and A.

Unfortunately the D chord immediately gives me hand pain.

I've already been to the physical therapist and am doing fairly well, daily, in effecting the strengthening and stretching exercises.

This week I am going to contact at least one local music store to try a in person lesson. I'd like to make sure I'm not starting with any bad posture or hand position habits.

This is moderately anxiety-creating.

I still have some hope to play at the open mic this Friday, which creates pure anxiety.