Your thoughts on Xanax + alcohol, coffee, other stuff?

[oak]

A thought to consider
A double Proustian moment; permission to post similar?
Offer of ongoing encouragement

A thought to consider

Keep an eye on any morning drinking. It is, like they say, "a bad neighborhood".

A double Proustian moment; permission to post similar?

While thinking about your situation, I had a double Proustian madeleine moment, where I saw myself for the first time.

And seeing oneself, in an instant, for the first time is absolutely chilling. I can see me as others always immediately saw me.

Said another way: your courage in discussing alcohol/Xanax so honestly and forthrightly, dislodged two memories, much like Proust and his madelienes.

Said a third way: when I point one finger at someone else, I point three fingers at me. Your honesty in this forum gave my psyche a chance to be honest with myself.

With your kind permission, and with attribution to your fine thread here, do you mind if I create a post modeled on your honesty?

Offer of ongoing encouragement

While I'm off facing my own demons, please continue to post in the forum, including regarding your important questions and journey regarding Xanax, alcohol, and caffeine.

[troebia]

With your kind permission, and with attribution to your fine thread here, do you mind if I create a post modeled on your honesty?

Oak, I'm glad if what I share here inspires you. You don't need my permission, just be direct. Or if you prefer the style of Proust, be anything but direct and spend tens of thousands of words on soggy cake As long as you are sincere and honest, I'm sure we'll all enjoy the ride.

[oak]

Thanks, Troebia.

I appreciate your honesty.

[troebia]

Update:
I'm trying to soldier through the days with only Xanax and the occasional coffee to keep alert. Water or iced tea instead of beer and wine. Immediate result is more obsessive, circular thoughts in spite of having doubled the Xanax.

Dream last night:
I was the helper of a janitor in an enormous baroque palace. There were old giant clocks everywhere that we had to grease and adjust, doing the rounds of the whole building from bottom to top. A woman dressed like a Disney princess floated by us at one moment, ignoring us or in fact not even seeing us. On one flat white wall there was a dial with only the hands visible, and a couple of tiny holes below at the side. There was no access to the mechanism behind the wall and I asked him why. "It's just the way it is", he replied while pouring some oil through one hole and gently tapping the wall with a wooden mallet, listening to the whirring and clicking inside until he was satisfied. Next, we went up a giant staircase and right under the ceiling, some twenty metres above there was another large clock in a round window, and I imagined it could be seen from the outside. "How do we get up there?" I asked. "We don't. I got this job because the guy before me tried."

[Mental Fairy]

well that is a super interesting dream, not to mention the great detail. What emotions did you wake up with once it was over? if any at all.

[troebia]

Sometimes I think this type of dreams are connected to some other life. Often the same city I've never been in, in the mountains and with trams on the streets. I then wake up to this other reality, which I think is the real life... It's not a bad experience, only slightly confusing.

[manuel_moe_g]

Troebia, your dream about the clocks invokes a mood

I feel “futility” and “abuse due to class” and “mystery”

[oak]

Sometimes I think this type of dreams are connected to some other life.

I have though the same thing, my friend.

You are not alone.

[troebia]

I feel “futility” and “abuse due to class” and “mystery”

Absolutely right about the futility I feel, of many things in life.

More than abused, I often feel lost in a world that is controlled by forces outside my (or anyone's) control. The woman was perfectly at home and at ease in the palace, while I felt out of my depth.

When I think again about the clock at the top, it could symbolise a goal of some sort, that is almost unattainable. Is it worth the risk and the effort? Is it something desirable, really? Or am I happier as a clock-keeper... A mystery.

[manuel_moe_g]

Frankly, I hate dreams that invoke a mood

It colors the whole rest of the following day