YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Just curious about when your anxiety challenges you the most?
It has changed over the last three years from dread as I would crawl into what I called the torture device (bed) knowing I was in for another long struggle with restlessness to now actually resting a bit through the early morning hours only to awake and hide under the covers away from any source of light and trying to silence any sound. This scenario is much more troublsome for any productivity or functioning life style.
Terrifying and the same every day!
I believe this stress is slowly causing multiple physical health issues.

I don't think my anxiety is more pronounced at different times of day. It changes flavors.

Morning anxiety - What the hell was I thinking last night? When will I learn to fall asleep at a respectable hour? This is going to ruin my day. I was a fool to think I'd iron pants before I left. Oh God. My wallet is gone. I'm going to be late and lose the esteem of everyone I know. God please let this be a nightmare.

Noon - Why am I sweating so much? Do I stink as much as I think? How drenched is the back of my shirt right now? How many ways can my most recent statement be misconstrued into racist and generally unenlightened? Please don't hit me, distracted driver! Is this how I'll spend the rest of my life?

Night - How many nights can I sleep alone until I'm incapable of sharing a bed? How much will I hate myself in the morning for indulging in media when I should be asleep? How will I win over every person I encounter tomorrow? What will I wear? Who is dying right now that I've neglected in some way?

Morning - Good morning, ugly. You aren't going to eat? Why not? You should eat. You're not eating enough. You're eating too much. You need to exercise this off today. I don't want to go to work, I don't do anything worth shit anyway.

Noon - What am I doing? People must notice my fat sticking out of my pants. I need to exercise so people know I'm at least trying. Why didn't I get CC'd on that email that so-and-so sent out? Do people not take me seriously? Do they know I am not as good as they think I am? Can I afford buying a coffee from Starbucks when I have so much student loan debt? Oh god, the barista is asking for my name. She doesn't know how to pronounce it and will surely spell it wrong. I need to hover by the counter to make sure I actually get the right drink and someone named Shelly doesn't get my frapp.

Night - Why does my boyfriend not bat an eyelash at my cute lingerie? Does he not think I'm pretty? Is he no longer attracted to me? Am I doomed to remain in a sexless relationship because I don't think I could get through a day without his support? What if I mention it to him? What if I don't mention it to him and I let this discontent fester? What would my friends think if we broke up? Where would he go? What about the cat? Oh god, does the cat have food? The cat has food. And water. But is the water fresh? Probably not, what if his bowl's just full because he doesn't want to drink the tepid water? Why can't I sleep? If I don't sleep I'll be tired or wake up late and be late for work.

Ummm... I suppose it varies. Morning seems to be the easiest time for me, but afternoon and evening are pretty close.

I registered on the forums tonight for this very topic. I am curious about what I call "the night time anxiety hour". Every night without fail I check the doors a couple of times to make sure they are locked, then crawl into bed with this torturous over whelming feeling of anxiety that stays with me until I fall asleep. My daughter is autistic and I worry about her every single hour of the day but it seems like at night it gets worse. I worry about her leaving the house and wandering. I worry about her getting into something in the house while we sleep and hurting herself. I worry about her future. I worry about our future and where she fits in to it.
I don't know why but this night time anxiety is really getting to me. I'm currently on Wellbutrin which helps with my depression and some of my OCD tendencies, but I'm thinking I need to talk to my doctor about adding in an anxiety med. Anyone else out there experience something like this?

Interesting, but not at all surprising to me. I experience anxiety 24/7, but now trying to temporarily live in this tiny apartment after 15 years away from them can be intense. It also ramps up my OCD to crazy levels. I relate to the check - recheck - check again and then continue to question myself about door lock(s) and appliances, etc! Morning activity outside my window below with all the damn car alarms chirping, door slamming, loud talking. All before the sun rises! Does anybody have any respect or know there are others around? Nobody gives a dam about one another it seems.
Oops, starting to get fired up and freaky just thinking about it. I also relate to the staying up late for no good reason? I will say to myself "don't do that again tomorrow night" Uh... here I am right now and it is almost 11PM and I am not even close to crawling in to the rack!
Oh brother!!

Evening!

In the morning I can take action, and stay out of my head. I also hike in the morning.

In the early afternoon I start to get tired.

By evening I can regret little things from the day, and also worry about tomorrow.

Thanks for posting that question.

Morning: Oh god, awake again. Wonder how much I slept, how often I woke up. Shower (always dammit) spiraling thoughts about words I never got to say to people and how there's still hurt from time to time. Off to work. Weekends are better since I just hop on my computer after probably sleeping too much (or not nearly enough) and the internet distracts me.

Noon: Nothing much really - so busy at work. Miss a lot of lunches and still chubby which is a common thought during the day. Even though I know why that's the case. Weekends is more internet, too much coffee, not enough food. Not much for anxiety but awesome jitters

Evening: not too bad until bed. Distracted by more internet, dinner & TV shows. Then bed time... Have never been a good sleeper, lie there for a long time waiting to fall asleep, eyes closed, brain racing. Lots of shitty thought spirals about various things. My life, failed relationships, future failings, shit I forgot to do at work that day (funny enough it's a good thing cause I've saved my own ass a few times remembering at 11pm while praying to fall asleep). Have been taking melatonin which helps to calm my brain down a bit faster. I use background noise to drown out my thoughts in order to sleep, terrible habit but it helps... Or I stay up too late, just because I can and I'm zombied, don't want to lie down until my brain is depleted so the thoughts are quieter.

One thing I have noticed though, is that I am terrible at dealing with emotions when I wake up. Have woken up crying before or just after. In Hawaii with my mom, it was in the morning that I couldn't control my temper. I would lash out at her, even though the same event happening in the afternoon or evening would have been manageable. Boyfriends have said probably minor things and it's too much for me. Even this morning, doing dishes just after I got up, I started crying to what was on the TV in the background and changed the channel so I wouldn't start sobbing. To be fair I am emotionally invested in the show. Point is - I am SUPER emotional when I wake up. Only recently realizing just how much.

Morning: Really? Again? How am I going to do this? How am I going to fake my way through another day? I have to do better. I have to try harder.

Noon: This is awful, I'm screwing up so badly. Everybody sees what a wreck I am. I don't deserve this job.

Night, especially at 2 am: What if [every terrible thing I can imagine] happens? I should just go. Then I wouldn't have to feel like this.

Lying awake at night is the worst, when there's just me and the cacophony of voices in my head.

For me anxiety comes when I most feel lonely.

This tends to be when I get home from work and on the weekends starting Saturday afternoon through to Sunday night. These are the times when it's hard to get myself caught up with work and when I most feel that this is when I'm supposed to be having fun and building relationships. Instead I'm in my head and usually sitting at home.

Night for me, actually getting to sleep is a big problem for me. Sometimes it's an all nighter of just racing thoughts and physical discomfort.