You're invited to my Pity Party!
Posted: May 30th, 2013, 11:02 pm
I'm having anxiety right now. Can't sleep. Feel like crying.
I can't believe I fell for it, again.
My Mom's manipulation is astonishingly powerful. It's my kryptonite.
I told myself I would only interact with her on Mother's Day (check, that's done) and a month later on Father's Day.
She had called me 7 times in a row. She knows that would look like an emergency, but I don't fall for that anymore. It's her loss for crying wolf so many times.
What she does now is make my Dad call me and my husbands phone so when he gets me on the line he says my Mom is really sad and wants to talk to me. At any other time, my Dad only calls when there's a rational reason, so they both know i'll answer or even call back ifI see his number. I don't think i'll be answering him either. At least, not until I can deal with this issue assertively.
I hate myself after talking to her!
I tell her things from the heart and she uses it to get others against me!
I still don't know how she does it, but she knows exactly what buttons to push to make me talk.
For example, I told her I'm upset with my sister because I offered her my help and she makes up excuses to not even show up instead of being sincere and letting me know she's not interested or whatever reason. The amazing thing is that I truly didn't want to let her know about it.
This is not the first time I said something like this to my Mom. What she does is call my sister and tell her how wrong I am for being upset with her! Do you get how she twists things up to make herself the hero and fuck me over!
She does it to get herself ahead because my sister already hates her! She loves it when she sees anyone else but her in trouble!
I fucking hate myself for answering the phone when my Dad called because I just knew it was her manipulation.
I knew I wasn't ready to talk to her. Not yet. I've only been sober for a little over a month. I've been on new meds for only a few months. She doesn't know any of this! No one in my family knows, not even my friends.
I'm scared! I'm afraid if I tell her she'll call everyone and tell them i'm a fucking alcoholic. She'll continue to make fun of me for needing meds. It's not her job to let anyone know. I have to be ready. I'm not ready, yet.
I can't believe I fell for it, again.
My Mom's manipulation is astonishingly powerful. It's my kryptonite.
I told myself I would only interact with her on Mother's Day (check, that's done) and a month later on Father's Day.
She had called me 7 times in a row. She knows that would look like an emergency, but I don't fall for that anymore. It's her loss for crying wolf so many times.
What she does now is make my Dad call me and my husbands phone so when he gets me on the line he says my Mom is really sad and wants to talk to me. At any other time, my Dad only calls when there's a rational reason, so they both know i'll answer or even call back ifI see his number. I don't think i'll be answering him either. At least, not until I can deal with this issue assertively.
I hate myself after talking to her!
I tell her things from the heart and she uses it to get others against me!
I still don't know how she does it, but she knows exactly what buttons to push to make me talk.
For example, I told her I'm upset with my sister because I offered her my help and she makes up excuses to not even show up instead of being sincere and letting me know she's not interested or whatever reason. The amazing thing is that I truly didn't want to let her know about it.
This is not the first time I said something like this to my Mom. What she does is call my sister and tell her how wrong I am for being upset with her! Do you get how she twists things up to make herself the hero and fuck me over!
She does it to get herself ahead because my sister already hates her! She loves it when she sees anyone else but her in trouble!
I fucking hate myself for answering the phone when my Dad called because I just knew it was her manipulation.
I knew I wasn't ready to talk to her. Not yet. I've only been sober for a little over a month. I've been on new meds for only a few months. She doesn't know any of this! No one in my family knows, not even my friends.
I'm scared! I'm afraid if I tell her she'll call everyone and tell them i'm a fucking alcoholic. She'll continue to make fun of me for needing meds. It's not her job to let anyone know. I have to be ready. I'm not ready, yet.
