YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have severe anxiety and depression for wich I take zanax. The symptoms run,the gammit heart palpitations severe body aches diarea ect. Recently i was driving on xanax and swerved in the other lane was pulled over and charged with dui no alchohol in my system. A little back story im ashamed to admit i had a dui about 2 years ago alchohol related and I learned my lesson. Ive been talking with lawyers and they say its 50 50 i could loose my license for a year. Im freaking out right now and maybe i just need to vent but im in my 30s and i really need my license.Right now im borderline suicide and dont know what to do. Any advice about how to deal wit this would be greatly apreciated.

Not a Doc or a lawyer.
I think venting is all you can do right now. I think being pro-active in finding a good lawyer is the right step.
I think talking to someone about this in any fashion is good. I struggle with Alcoholism, anxiety and depression.
I know what its like to be dealing with the police and lawyers. It sucks. Its a pain. In knowing how I feel now after going through that I wonder why I worried so much about the process. I contemplated suicide and anything to take my mind off the problem. And thought of every worst case scenario to what the outcome would be in my court shit. And being a few years away from that I can now say it was for the better. In my case it was what I needed to happen. I don't know whats best for you in your outcome. I know that speaking and writing about will help.
I hope this doesn't sound like I think you are guilty or anything. I am not a judge or jury. I know how it feels to be going through the legal system. It has been one of the worst experiences of my life. I made it through. I am making it through now by being open and honest. And trying to be as communicative as possible with everyone around me.

Good luck. I hope it works out. I hope you find the smallest amt of hope. All is not list and you are not a alone.
Best wishes

Thanks that helps.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be dealing with the legal system on top of anxiety and depression. I have trouble enough coping sometimes with work, home and trying to get time off for appointments.

While I don't know how much a comfort it will be, I want to tell you I'm 33 years old and through a comedy of errors starting when I was 15 1/2, I've never had a driver's license. Up until I was 21, I had mass transit to rely on, but since then I've lived in areas with little to no public transportation. I'm currently learning on a permit, but it's hard to find time and access to a car and hard to learn manual skills at my age than at 16 so it is slow going. Plus, high anxiety days are not days I'm willing to drive since it could be unsafe and it's just not worth it to risk my life and my driving future to have an accident when I'm on a permit.

Anyway, I tell you all this to say: Even if you do loose your license for a year, it will suck, but you will survive it. I don't have the freedom most people enjoy, but I manage. My idea of "walking distance" is much farther than most Americans and I have to ask for favors sometimes, but it's not impossible. It's certainly not worth giving up your life over although I know how hopeless a person can feel sometimes from personal experience.

What I would suggest to help set your mind at ease is to research the options available to you if the worst case scenario of a year without driving happens. At least for me, knowledge is power and research is process I can break down into manageable steps even when I'm "freaking out." Trust me, that happens more than I care to admit.

Can you car pool to work? Can you enlist the help of family and friends? I know shame is an issue, but you shouldn't be alone in this and you have nothing to be ashamed of any more than if you blacked out behind the wheel due to low blood sugar from diabetes. Are there public transportation options in your area? I lived in a rural county in Upstate New York at one point with no regular buses but they had a service where you had to schedule your rides ahead and it got me to work on many occasions.

I wish you luck in this trying time and strength along the journey.
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"borderline suicide" means you are thinking of it - it is never ever a solution, please focus on that before any legal dramas.
As for not having a license, it can really be a big deal in some areas rural and urban and for some jobs, so I do not minimize the issue but there are always creative options..bike, carpools, something. It can expand your routine.
I am glad you have lawyers to deal with the legal system - too many try on their own and if you are freaked, you may act too hastily just to get it over with....so let them deal with it....and you let it go for now (the legal part)
focus instead on what you can control now - options on transport and dealing with the issues that landed you a DUI 2 years ago and again, now that made you lose focus and swerving as you did.

I have had close close friends deal with anxiety and it is enourmously hard to cope with stress for the anxious....my friend tried all sorts of things and I won't patronize you by repeating the obvious (run, meditate, etc) so you are brave but also remember - you hired professionals, you have more in life than that license going for you, and all the worry and anxiety won't solve the issues. Focus on the energy the anxiety gives you and channel it somehow. let us know how it goes.

Thank you both for your replies. I just got over two days of bad panic attacks. I feel better today and hopefully will still feel better tommorrow.

Every good day - hour even - is a victory.

Keep us updated, yes74, because you are not alone.

Thanks again. Im up and down today. I have other things going on owing taxes on my house, needing and wanting a job ect its really overwhelming. Im having heart palpitations and waves of depression. Im out of xanax and dont want to take it anymore. Yesterday I drank during the day just to make it through. I wont drive though.
I guess Ill just keep talking about how I feel and see how Im doing tomorrow. It does feel a little better as I write this.

No wonder you are overwhelmed with all those things going on. When it rains, it really pours. I've found that to be true for myself and I see it in others' lives.

One breath at a time, one step. You are strong enough to have gotten this far. You are strong enough to see the other side of these problems and this anxiety.

No wonder you are overwhelmed with all those things going on. When it rains, it really pours. I've found that to be true for myself and I see it in others' lives.

One breath at a time, one step. You are strong enough to have gotten this far. You are strong enough to see the other side of these problems and this anxiety.

Thanks bigeekgirl,
Today I worked out a payment plan with the town.I also spoke to a lawyer who says there is a good chance I can get my charge dismissed. If not I can at least get it knocked down to a misdemeanor. I watched a movie tonight plus a couple old walking dead episodes on netflix and actually enjoyed them.I haven't enjoyed anything for a few days. I hope everything goes good with your license.I know how hard it is to have panic attacks while driving. I also got my license late in life. Good luck with everything.