YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I just ended a relationship that definitely falls into the category of psychologically abusive & codependent. We worked together for 16 months and dated the last 7 of them. He quit working there a couple of weeks ago and then moved out of state which made it easy to get out of the cycle of our relationship. I also have not been feeling happy at my job and am in a financial situation where I can afford to take a month or so off and focus on making art (which is my training). I gave my notice last night and it was good, but I was scared.

I have really been trying to listen to my body through the break up and while I'm at work because both have become such a source of unhappiness. Last night I literally felt waves of nausea, almost the the butterflies you get when you're on a rollercoaster each time I walked into a space where my ex would've been working. On the way home, I passed a couple of motorcycles coming toward me and got the same feeling (he rides motorcycles). If I think about places in my apartment where we sat or the foods we liked to share, I get that same sick feeling. Just writing it down right now, I have the feeling.

I know I need to pay attention to where I feel my emotions in my body. In this situation it's undeniably in my gut. Any suggestions of a good exercise or practice or something I can do when I get this feeling? Is it anxiety?

Thank you!

Hi Amanda!

I think it's possible that anxiety plays a role in your feelings. I'm no expert, but I have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and I have quite a few ... anxiety related triggers you might call them. I could go into details if it would help but I want to keep the thread about you and not me. Of course I don't mean to imply that you have an anxiety DISORDER. Anxiety is certainly a part of everyone's emotional life and normal to a certain degree. It's when it becomes excessive or crippling that some boundaries are crossed, and a professional could help you there if that is your question.

I've found time is helpful with some of my triggers. Experiencing them in a positive light ... for example, motorcycles going by you and nothing bad happening ... will gradually teach you that maybe there's nothing to be anxious of there. And the more time that passes the less impact he might have on your life now that he's gone. Maybe you'll meet someone new tomorrow. But if you're a ruminator like I am, it might be more difficult. And if your relationship was a co-dependent one, that makes things harder also. In the short-term, it has to be stressful.

For those types of issues that persist, I've found therapy to be extremely helpful. Just putting it all on the table with a neutral, professional individual who can help you better understand yourself and probe your mind. I know it sounds cliche, but it has truly helped me more than I imagined it would.

On the free side of things, you also might try to pay attention to your breathing. When you get anxious, all your attention might go towards the thing that you are anxious about and focusing instead on deep breathing will diminish the anxiety's effect on you and also ensure your body is more relaxed. Just close your eyes and take ten deep breaths. Block out the external stimulus that is causing you anxiety.

Or, have a happy topic that is sort of your "go to" in times of stress. When you feel that feeling starting to take hold, switch your thoughts to your predetermined happy topic. Focus on that as intensely as you can. Maybe think about your art or your favorite movie or your best friend. Just something to distract you and lift your mood.

As for exercise, I don't know which one I would specifically recommend ... but regular exercise is definitely helpful for my anxiety. I try to work out at least half an hour five times a week. It's tough sometimes, but I can definitely tell when I've been slacking in that department as things get to me more easily.

Hope something I've said helps ... and PS, props to you for pursuing your passion with your art. That takes courage

Thank you, Jolly Green Giant! I will definitely use the breathing trick and try to transform the negative energy into something positive. I work today at 3:00, so I will have plenty of opportunities to try this technique. I hope I can report a bit of progress!

just adding i definitely experience a strong link between gi (nausea) and my anxiety peaking.
i'm on meds for both the nausea and anxiety - trying to get it a little more bearable but it's taken awhile...
just my experience
good luck

As someone who pukes at least once every time I move I can definitively say that anxiety and stress can cause nausea. I also experience the waves you are talking about whenever people yell in the house and I can't tell what they are saying. Like what the Jolly Green Giant said this is obviously related to some of my personal triggers.

Jolly Green Giant's tricks sound wonderful, and I defiantly plan on trying some of those. I also do breathing exercises. Square breathing is one thing I find that really helps. It is where you take deep even breaths, and in your mind you imagine a square. Then you imagine your breath traveling along the square. You breath in along the side, out along the top, in along the side, out along the bottom and repeat. I like to also pair it with a mantra like "I am safe."

The thing about breathing in particular that I think helps with the gastrointestinal reaction is that it draws your energy away from your gut and into your chest. I don't know about you but when I'm really anxious I can feel all my muscles tense up in my body: my shoulders, my stomach, my chest, my jaw. I can only imagine that this extends down into my stomach. But your body can't be in a state of panic and a state of relaxation, so relaxing your chest enough to take deep breaths also encourages your other muscles to let go.

Also listening to what you said you have gone through it does not surprise me in the least that you are feeling anxious! That sounds very stressful. It would be more surprising that you didn't feel anxious after all that than you did. A book I would recommend (and I think I have heard Paul mention it before on the show) is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I found it really helpful in times of stress and going through life transitions.

Amanda, nausea is very often a component of anxiety. It's all part of the fight or flight response. Personally, I experience anxiety with a huge digestive component. First, when it's really bad, I wake up with the dry heaves. Even when it's not that bad, it feels like the stomach upset caused by something like stage fright, except it is much longer lasting. I lose my appetite, and have to force myself to eat. And to add to the fun, I develop irritable bowel syndrome as well.

The upshot: this never lasts forever. It's very unpleasant, but it does go away eventually. I just try to ride it out with the help of professionals and loved ones. And hey, I always lose some weight during those episodes so I guess that's a plus.

A couple of other tricks I've learned dealing with the digestive issues related to anxiety. Eat bland easily digestible stuff. Stuff like cream of wheat, oatmeal, applesauce. Do not eat heavy fatty stuff, that will just churn in your stomach. And when it's really bad and I find it hard to eat anything at all I've found that instant packets of miso soup with tofu are the greatest thing ever. It's kinda bland, has tons of nutritional content, and you can just put it in a mug and sip on it slowly.

Also, by doing things to alleviate the anxiety I can lessen the digestive issues. The number one thing that works for me is to find something, anything, to do, especially if it's physical.

I wholeheartedly appreciate everyone's responses. This is just what I need to read/hear right now. This forum is truly amazing. Connecting with like-minded and like-bodies individuals fills me with gratitude & peace!

I've had GI symptoms with anxiety/panic attacks. Mine tended towards heartburn more than nausea, but either way the flood of stress hormones makes itself known in our stomachs. Meditation has helped me with the physical feelings as well as calming the mental part.

Physical symptoms definitely are attached to our emotional state. I think the symptoms vary with people. I get nausea, too. I've ignored all symptoms of my depression and anxiety for many years...it was out of pride...I wanted to shift the responsibility to other medical professionals. Even though all of my symptoms (pain, lethargy, sleeping disorder, etc.) started with severe depression, I didn't want to accept that. If I did, it would be my 'fault' and I would have to do something about it. I was so in over my head with these symptoms that I couldn't carry the responsibility either. It's great that you connected the dots early on and reached out. That is so brave and intelligent of you. It's not until I started looking inwards and understood my symptoms were not 'medical mysteries' that I am starting to heal slowly. When the severe depression/anxiety hit, I didn't even seek out help. I was so afraid of taking medication. I thought I was going to lose 'me.' But I'm slowly starting to understand my powerlessness over certain things and forgiving myself slowly. I'm starting to take low doses of SNRI. I can't take a high dose because of the side effects; it gives me spotting, and bleeding is a common side effects of SNRI/SSRIs. And plus, I do want to still not rely totally on them and deal with it on my own. And listening to my body is really important, because even when I don't realize I'm under huge stress, my body will show signs and tell me I'm under stress. Journaling is the most effective way for me to get down to the root of what's bothering me and find ways to overcome it. If I'm too stressed out even for that, I'll lie down and listen to nature sounds on YouTube. Hope you're doing better!