YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

My partner of 12 years went out of town this week and I'm handling it very poorly. I had to get up early to take her to the train station and my sleep got all out of whack. I have constant headaches, heartburn, etc. I'm also having all sorts of intrusive thoughts and fearful thoughts. I've been trying to manage by eating, meditating, etc. It doesn't last. I'm not eating well to be honest. Getting out of the house feels impossible.

I'm also unreasonably angry at my partner for not planning ahead - like not shopping with me to make sure I had enough groceries, etc. That's not fair to her. I'm not mad that she left, but I am mad at myself that I can't handle this. I feel like such a failure. Yet the idea of getting through the next two days feels impossible.

WJ

Hello WJ. When I find that meditation doesn't last, I give myself permission to meditate more. Sometimes I have to enter a meditative pose for 10 seconds (palms up, eyes closed, controlled breathing), and it keeps my mind from racing for only 4 seconds! But it is OK, the best way to be self-loving, for me, is to take it REALLY SLOW until my mind stops racing.

Please take care, you are in a tender place right now and we feel for you, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

That's the loveliest thing to say ... I didn't stop for a minute to consider being gentle on myself, I've been so busy beating myself up for not "handling" this separation well. You really turned my thought process around. Right here in this moment, I feel better. Thanks!

Oh my gosh...you sound just like me...I can't take it when my husband goes on business trips...this is so hard for me to write because I'm still in the midst of this issue and don't know how to get over it...when the topic of the trip comes up, I get a sinking feeling in my gut and my world starts to spin...I'm scared of the "practical" aspects of it, too, like him taking out the trash (because I have agoraphobia), what if my computer crashes (since it's my lifeline, pathetically), I can't have him pick up the groceries...but I realized recently that I have Dependent Personality Disorder. I feel like I can't function on my own emotionally or physically, even though I am a fully functioning adult in theory... I always feel the need to be taken care of. I feel like a child on the inside, fully not grown emotionally. I think the first step is to acknowledge and try out best at taking baby steps, doing things that cause a bit of anxiety. Doing things on your own, going out whenever I can muster up the courage, etc. But when you are right smack dab in the middle of it like you are right now, I think the best thing is for you to tell yourself that it's ok to be like this. It's ok to curl up in a ball for the next two days and do nothing. Eating well also affects our mood significantly; protein is the base for making neurotransmitters in your brain (you can read extensively in Mood Cure, Julia Ross). But these baby steps are for when you are ready. I find that I tend to want to brush my issues aside when I start to feel better, but leaned that it's important to take the necessary baby step when you are actually feeling better so you don't have the pitfall that comes crashing in without notice.