YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have a question for all those out there suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. I started a new job last week at a deli in a grocery store. It's not difficult work, but when I messed something up tears started pooling in my eyes. On my second day I cried in the bathroom during my break. I'm worried that once training is over and I'm working on my own I'll be more likely to suffer a panic attack and cry uncontrollably in front of my colleages and customers.

Has any one been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? How did people react? Is there a technique you use to keep from falling apart?

I'm so excited about this job and want to do a good job and be emotionally stable at the same time.

I can offer my thoughts, which you are welcome to take or leave. I offer them honestly and kindly, but be aware I am interested more in your long term success then your short term feelings.

First up, congratulations on getting a job. That is a real accomplishment these days. I am also pleased to hear that you will get a chance to work with both people (customers and coworkers) and things (food). Both those experiences you can take into your future.

At this point you have a choice, and can help create your future at this job.

Were I you, I'd do two things:

1. Ask yourself the hard question: is this the right fit for you? Retail (of which I have worked some years) is a demanding field, and I am sorry to report that a number of customers will be deeply troubled people. Some will get a perverse thrill out of messing with retail workers. These truly demented people, and yes I do judge them, are the very small minority. They are twisted people.

Other customers will regular, ordinary people who may snap at you for any or no reason.

These people are no reason to not work in retail, but you must ask yourself if you are willing to live with such people in your life daily. And even hourly.

If can live with it, great! If it is too much to be yelled at, there is no shame in that. None. Retail just isn't a fit for you. In that case you need to extricate yourself and try another field. This can be a learning experience.

2. If you resolve to stick with this job, then I strongly encourage you to immediate tell your trainer/supervisor what you told us. If you tell her/him now, you can still guide the direction of this experience. If you put it off, you put the direction of your job in the hands of some of these deeply disturbed customers. The choice is yours.

I offer the following cold comfort kindly, but bluntly:

Retail is a job for grownups. Grownups accept the good and bad as it is. Grownups need not like anything that happens, and can find emotional support (ie venting). The rewards are a paycheck, serving the customer, and pride in a hard job done well.

I am not saying that you are not a grownup. I am saying that our jobs demand things we don't like. We cannot expect or demand the grownup rewards of work without being willing to pay the sacrifices our jobs and society demands of us.

This may not be what you want or expect to hear. Do not take anything I say as true, but I encourage you to test what I've said up against what you observe in your life.

I wish you well, and am happy to see you working. I hope it works out for you. Keep us posted. I'll be interested to hear how it works out for you. Good luck.

My very first panic attack happened 15 years ago - while I was training for a new job. I say this because maybe once you're trained and used to the job, the attacks will be less frequent. Mine are triggered by feeling "stuck" ie. not knowing what I should do in the situation I'm in. There's no technique I can use because mine are mostly physical once they start: I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm feeling uncertain about something, I'm shaking and sweaty and ravenous and dizzy and have tunnel-vision and can't walk because my legs are jelly. Once it starts, it's there for the next 10 minutes and all I can do is breathe and eat something and wait.

Along the lines of what oak was saying, due to my anxiety (not only panic attacks), I discovered it was much healthier for me to find a job "behind the scenes" where I don't have to work with customers/patients (I'm in the medical field). It's a lot easier to surreptitiously take a bathroom break or even let a coworker know what's going on, than try to deal with customers in that state. I rarely have panic attacks anymore, maybe once or twice a month, but it's nice knowing I can tell my coworker that I'm not feeling well and I need to sit for a few moments and close my eyes and do some deep breathing, and it's all fine.

Your sanity might depend on a less in-your-face job, or you might be fine once you get accustomed to the environment. Only you can know. I really wish you a lot of luck and hope you find the best thing for you.

I used to have this problem at my last job. Things would get too hectic and I'd feel closed up, like I couldn't breathe. What helped me out were the following things:

1) Getting up the courage to ask for breaks -- This one was really tough but people would rather that you take a second outside then fall apart at your desk. Sometimes just 10 minutes was enough to make things better.

2) Bring things that help calm you down to work -- I had a stress ball, a pair of gloves (I'm a hair puller and skin picker), some nice tea, and a personal item from home. Having those things at my desk made it easy for me to calm myself down and helped in those moments when I couldn't step away.

3) Time alone before going home -- This was a big one. I don't know about your living situation but I used to live with my mom and sometimes, I just needed me time before I got picked up. Find a quiet spot or some headphones and try to block the world out for a bit.

4) Meditate during lunch breaks -- I use My Meditation Station and Meditation Oasis podcasts as mini breaks. Sometimes it was just good to hear a calm voice.

I hope these help and take care!

It doesn't matter how "hard" the job is, if you are suffering from panic attacks...it's great that you are even able to work, good for you! Upon reading your post, it made me feel like you might be a perfectionist...? I am a recovering perfectionist and it is no fun. When we mess up, we are soooo hard on ourselves and maybe that is triggering your attacks...? In my first job, I was always paranoid that I was going to be fired (for no rational reason). It was my insecurities that were out of control.
When I put myself in your shoes, I would feel the same way...but the courageous side me wants to say, "Why don't you take a risk and say to yourself that it's ok if I broke down and cried?" I know it's a stretch, I wouldn't be able to swallow that one either. But I'm starting to realize that the more we can be ourselves in this world, the more powerful and free we'll feel. Yeah, worst case scenario, you might have to change jobs, but wouldn't you want to move forward instead of being stuck in fear? (Yes, this is another bold statement that I know I can't even do just yet...) But these are my goals in the future and whatever baby steps I can take, I want to.