YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

25 pounds in 2 months. My clothes don't fit and my body hurts. Everything feels so out of control: the anxiety, the fear, the never ending rehashing of All Things Humiliating or Horrid in my mind with no resolution. I am argumentative with everyone about everything (decidedly not a normal thing for me, the people pleaser).

Anyway, I need help getting back on track. What has helped you in the past?

I try to be mindful of my eating when I notice that I am using my eating to manage my mood. Also, I try to be self-loving and take small steps and not drastic steps, for example, reducing portion size instead of abstaining from certain eating. I eat a little, then throw away in a gross trash can so I am not tempted to scoop it back out of the trash to eat it.

Being mindful and self-loving and not taking drastic steps is the key thing.

Please take care, and remember that you are a good worthwhile person! I am cheering for you!

I have resorted to relying on technology to help me out. I use a fitbit and the calorie counting trackers that accompany it and I make it a point to track everything I eat (the good, bad, and the ugly). I've also used CalorieCount.about.com before that. It's hard to do at first. Mostly because of the shame of having a written record of my past mistakes and partly because I feel like a child handing over my responsibility to some sort of "digital nanny". But the way I figure, I'm not responsible enough to take care of it myself yet and I do need help. So that is my form of asking for help.

Another thing that helps is compassion for myself when I make mistakes. There are going to be days where I self-medicate with food or eat emotionally. There will be days where I binge and I've got to learn to forgive myself for these mistakes. Going back to watch them in my mind on a hate-loop will only send me into a tailspin in which I will dull the shame with more food. So some self-parenting, as opposed to just being self-critical, helps as well.

Ella, I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you and I hope you can get things back on track. Take care.

I hear you. So much. I'm in my second year of recovery and I get a strange longing in my chest when I think back to the days of my former body (which makes no sense because I was miserable...) New found issues like sweating, chafing, and having to have a different style are shameful, exacerbated when I see someone who knew me back when. So much shame.

The one thing that breaks through all of this is meditation and gratitude. This is the kind of thing that when I was in the depths of my problem I was so annoyed by peoples suggestions to make lists of things you are grateful for but I can see from the other side and it truly is the antidote to misery. Also, I read an amazing book that changed my life: Eckhart Tolle's The Power Of Now. Its not your average self-help book. For me, it helped me to remember to remind myself to "zoom out" everyday and realize we are floating in space on a planet full of energy and matter and all are one. Some may say this is the thinking of a "dreamer" but I'm more prone to say those who are not aware of this daily are in fact the ones in a dream (read: nightmare). I can't summarize it here with justice, so I recommend checking it out!!

I don't mean to come off as though I have thE answer or to say I don't have my problems, but meditating on consciousness and gratitude has been my saving grace.
I'm rooting for you too, I'm really hoping you find your way to peace.