my cousin is SUPER triggering and I don't know what to do
Posted: February 7th, 2018, 11:11 am
Hey there, I'm having a dilemma.
I've struggled with anorexia and bulimia for about 7-8 years (I'm 23) and I've been in a recovery from the worst of it for 4 years. As anyone in recovery knows, it's a daily battle, but I'm super proud of myself for how far I've come in changing my thinking and habits.
anyway, my younger cousin is in town for a few months and I've been designated as her hang out buddy for the time she's here, which I was really excited about at first. She's 17 and she likes going to movies and we go to the gym together a few times a week, which seemed fun... at first. BUT there's problem. We can't go 5 minutes in conversation without her bringing up calories, weight loss, appearance, etc. Whenever we are eating together she asks about every single thing on her plate "is this unhealthy?" "how many calories do you think are in this?" my ED brain wants to indulge in this thinking and answer her questions, but my recovery brain is working very hard to ignore it. I've sort of confronted her a little bit about it, told her that I've struggled with an ED and that if she continues thinking the way she is she'll be going down a bad path.
yesterday was the last straw. We were leaving the gym and she asked me why I had only eaten a waffle all day. I told her that I took a nap before the gym and forgot to eat (I have depression as well and recently it has been affecting my appetite and I've been forgetting to eat). She kept hounding me about it and I kind of snapped and asked her why the hell she was asking me so many questions. She said she "wanted to know how to not be hungry like me". I told her "I have depression. That's why I'm not hungry, It makes me lose my appetite sometimes." she said that's not possible because depressed people usually eat a bunch when they're sad (I think she's only seen depression portraying on tv or in movies) and I tried to explain to her in my calmest voice that that is not the case for everyone. I seriously almost pushed her out of my car it made me so fucking angry that someone would want something so debilitating like depression or an eating disorder just so they can lose weight. It's obvious she just doesn't GET IT.
My question is, have you had to deal with a very triggering person? Her constant talk of counting calories and pounds has been stirring up feelings I've worked extremely hard on for 4 years to keep away. I can't exactly distance myself from her for another 2 1/2 months while she's here. In the meantime how the fuck do I deal with this???
Related side note: My brother has Crohns disease, has had quite a length of his intestines removed in multiple surgeries, and is stick thin because of it. My cousin has gone as far as to say that she wishes she had my brother's disease so she could eat as much as she wanted without gaining weight. !!!!! (I've had that fucked up thought myself, but never said it outloud) THAT'S INFURIATING TO HEAR. HOW DO I PUT THIS GIRL IN HER PLACE??
I've struggled with anorexia and bulimia for about 7-8 years (I'm 23) and I've been in a recovery from the worst of it for 4 years. As anyone in recovery knows, it's a daily battle, but I'm super proud of myself for how far I've come in changing my thinking and habits.
anyway, my younger cousin is in town for a few months and I've been designated as her hang out buddy for the time she's here, which I was really excited about at first. She's 17 and she likes going to movies and we go to the gym together a few times a week, which seemed fun... at first. BUT there's problem. We can't go 5 minutes in conversation without her bringing up calories, weight loss, appearance, etc. Whenever we are eating together she asks about every single thing on her plate "is this unhealthy?" "how many calories do you think are in this?" my ED brain wants to indulge in this thinking and answer her questions, but my recovery brain is working very hard to ignore it. I've sort of confronted her a little bit about it, told her that I've struggled with an ED and that if she continues thinking the way she is she'll be going down a bad path.
yesterday was the last straw. We were leaving the gym and she asked me why I had only eaten a waffle all day. I told her that I took a nap before the gym and forgot to eat (I have depression as well and recently it has been affecting my appetite and I've been forgetting to eat). She kept hounding me about it and I kind of snapped and asked her why the hell she was asking me so many questions. She said she "wanted to know how to not be hungry like me". I told her "I have depression. That's why I'm not hungry, It makes me lose my appetite sometimes." she said that's not possible because depressed people usually eat a bunch when they're sad (I think she's only seen depression portraying on tv or in movies) and I tried to explain to her in my calmest voice that that is not the case for everyone. I seriously almost pushed her out of my car it made me so fucking angry that someone would want something so debilitating like depression or an eating disorder just so they can lose weight. It's obvious she just doesn't GET IT.
My question is, have you had to deal with a very triggering person? Her constant talk of counting calories and pounds has been stirring up feelings I've worked extremely hard on for 4 years to keep away. I can't exactly distance myself from her for another 2 1/2 months while she's here. In the meantime how the fuck do I deal with this???
Related side note: My brother has Crohns disease, has had quite a length of his intestines removed in multiple surgeries, and is stick thin because of it. My cousin has gone as far as to say that she wishes she had my brother's disease so she could eat as much as she wanted without gaining weight. !!!!! (I've had that fucked up thought myself, but never said it outloud) THAT'S INFURIATING TO HEAR. HOW DO I PUT THIS GIRL IN HER PLACE??