I didn't think males could have anorexic
Posted: March 18th, 2014, 12:03 pm
For some reason, Most of my life was lived believing that only females suffered from ED. I thought it was so sad that girls would think that they had to stop eating in order to fit into societies view of how they should be.
Growing up, my mom and brother would shame my overweight body. My brother's nickname for me was "chubby" and I did not find much enjoyment in the name.
I actually just found out last week that I am anorexic.
I will spend hours in my bed (due to depression) while being knowingly hungry.
when I do eat, I chew WAY too much and have been told that I eat slower than old people. I savor the flavor of anything in my mouth. I'll binge and then not eat for the rest of the day. I'll go to sleep hungry with the promise of breakfast and then not eat till 4 in the afternoon the next day. I find a little joy in the will power it takes me not to eat, and this is how I figured out I have an ED. One day I was like, "why am I so proud that I haven't eaten all day? Why am I bragging to myself about this?" turns out it is another one of my multiple disorders. The cost of being unique.
If it were up to me, I'd live off of snack food that i would eat for an hour or two maybe twice a day.
I actually lived for a time on the poorer side of life. I ate one meal a day from McDonald, a hot and spicy chicken sandwich and a large order of fries. Cigarettes filled in for the missing meals and I was kind of happy. I would rather buy three packs of cigarettes than go shopping at the grocery store with $12.
somehow My body is not skinny, my goal was never to be skin and bones. My goal is that feeling of hunger and despair that is depression/anxiety incarnate.
Growing up, my mom and brother would shame my overweight body. My brother's nickname for me was "chubby" and I did not find much enjoyment in the name.
I actually just found out last week that I am anorexic.
I will spend hours in my bed (due to depression) while being knowingly hungry.
when I do eat, I chew WAY too much and have been told that I eat slower than old people. I savor the flavor of anything in my mouth. I'll binge and then not eat for the rest of the day. I'll go to sleep hungry with the promise of breakfast and then not eat till 4 in the afternoon the next day. I find a little joy in the will power it takes me not to eat, and this is how I figured out I have an ED. One day I was like, "why am I so proud that I haven't eaten all day? Why am I bragging to myself about this?" turns out it is another one of my multiple disorders. The cost of being unique.
If it were up to me, I'd live off of snack food that i would eat for an hour or two maybe twice a day.
I actually lived for a time on the poorer side of life. I ate one meal a day from McDonald, a hot and spicy chicken sandwich and a large order of fries. Cigarettes filled in for the missing meals and I was kind of happy. I would rather buy three packs of cigarettes than go shopping at the grocery store with $12.
somehow My body is not skinny, my goal was never to be skin and bones. My goal is that feeling of hunger and despair that is depression/anxiety incarnate.
It does sound like you have a very controlling eating disordered thought process in your head a lot of the time. I know how it feels :/ I am really glad you have identified it as such, though, and I hope you can take steps now to build healthier thought processes and behaviors when it comes to food now. I hope you will talk with a therapist about it too. Eating disorders are have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness and are really really hard to recover from unless you take it seriously and do the work. I hope you have overcoming this set in your sights!!