Does this sound like you?

[hookinmyhead]

Recently I've gotten into Adult Children of Alcoholics, which turns out to actually be Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. They have this thing called the Laundry List, which is basically their calling card. It seems like people who belong in this program read this and have a "HOLY SHIT THIS IS ABOUT ME" moment. At least, that was my experience. Here, check it out. (And remember that this was written before they expanded their scope to include family dysfunction. Neither of my parents were addicts, and I still totally identify with these traits.)

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

If you identify with these, check out the website at http://adultchildren.org/. I have a funny feeling that the Venn Diagram of people who could be helped by this program, and people who are helped by the Mental Illness Happy Hour, is like 90% overlap.

[moonlightwatie]

Yes, it sounds EXACTLY like me!!! (and a little like my husband )
This has caused oodles of trouble in my marriage... and I resent the hell out of my parents because of it.

I'd love to hear more people say "ME TOO!"... and then perhaps we can start discussing how to help each other get past all this stuff. And those of you who have done that work ( ), share what helped you.

[Not A Cylon]

I feel like I came from a home that was present but absent. There were a few real traumatic events in my life that I wish were handled differently. I think everyone in my family is emotionally stunted to some degree, seems like it may just be a thing passed down from generation to generation. I've identified with a lot of the list in the OP though, I strive to feel 'home' again without things hanging over everything which never gets properly addressed.