YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Like lots of people, I was bullied pretty badly as a kid. I won't go into the details of how it's fucked me up as an adult (which is its own post altogether), but it happened. For the first time in my life, I'm working through those issues in therapy, and it's been amazing (and difficult, but mostly amazing). That said, I've started having all kinds of revenge fantasies on both the kids who bullied me and the adults who stood by and let it happen. I'm a super shy and passive person, so standing up to these assholes is way out of character for me. Some of the highlights:

-I run into my former gym teacher who allowed the boys in my class to throw dodgeballs at my face at the supermarket. I ask if he remembers me, and he says no. I reply, "Really? Because you fucking ruined my life. Go to Hell." and walk out.
-I see the kid who used to call me "cow" when I was 10 and was borderline anorexic. I let him know that, yep, I had an eating disorder when he used to make fun of me.
-The frenemy who spread the stories of my suicidal tendencies and my bisexuality around is the cashier at a store where I'm shopping. I spend the whole time making her feel bad about it.
-My 4th grade teacher who turned her head while I was being harassed on a daily basis sees me and asks how I'm doing. I say, "fine, despite all the time in your class." She asks for clarification and I rail off all the shit that she let pass.
-The boy who used to make fun of me and throw things at me on the bus and I wind up at a networking event together. I get to wave my totally legit job in his face while he is unemployed with an MBA.
-I show up at my high school reunion with my awesome job (half check), fantastic wardrobe (check), perfect cleavage (check), and sexy boyfriend who happens to know my former classmates' older siblings and thus can embarrass the shit out of them (check!).

Whew, that felt good!

Revenge fantasies can be part of an internal agreement with yourself not to be passive, and to actively treat yourself in the way you deserve to be treated. If you draw power from it, and you use that power to treat yourself well, then that is awesome!

"Living well is the best revenge"

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

Congrats!

I literally sat down to type a similar post about my elementary school gym teacher when I read your thread!

If unconscious imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, prepare to be flattered.

(Also, at the risk of being heteronormative and sexist, as a straight dude I can assure you that nothing speaks like a nice rack.)

Around that same time I scored in the bottom percentiles of the President's Physical Fitness test. Today I know it has a questionable original sample (ie not representative), but I didn't understand about representative samples until graduate school. All I heard was: Not Enough.

I hope I don't insult you when I say these are pretty mild revenge fantasies....
what I see is not a person wishing harm, ill will or bad luck on those in your past who inflicted pain on you....
what I see is someone practicing in their head an unfamiliar role - standing up for yourself to those who hurt you and getting comfortable with that by these scenarios....knowing and envisioning how your life is better than they expected it to be, you are happier and strong enough to speak out for yourself.
when you say "I'm a super shy and passive person, so standing up to these assholes is way out of character for me" I think maybe you have been squashing your voice for awhile and its doing its wake up exercises. Good luck. Go sing and shine and stand up for yourself.

I think revenge fantasies are super healthy! I went through them a lot in high school and college. Not as much now as I'm not around bullies. Instead I guess I fantasize about things I could have said better? Haha.

During my high school years, actually, I forget how long I did this for, but for a while I would wake up early, before school, so that I could read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics. I kept the book beside my bed and would read a bit of it every morning, and when I got to the end, I'd just start at the beginning again. I don't know how many times I read it, but it made me feel better. I guess I like things that gets the violence out in my mind.

Much better to have fantasies than to actually hurt people, I think.